Kah Lee Fohni Ja uyill nah hab de prahpuh ahksunt.
From The Onion:
Ünited Stätes Toughens Image With Umlauts
WASHINGTON, DC — In a move designed to make the United
States seem more "bad-assed and scary in a
quasi-heavy-metal manner," Congress passed a bill
Monday changing the nation's name to the Ünited Stätes
of Ämerica. "Much like Mötley Crüe and Motörhead, the
Ünited Stätes is not to be messed with," said Sen.
James Inhofe (R-OK). An upcoming redesign of the
Ämerican flag will feature the new name in burnished
silver wrought in a jagged, gothic font and bolted to
a black background. A new national anthem is also in
the works, to be written by composer Glenn Danzig and
tentatively titled "Howl Of The She-Demon."
Please note which state's representative is attributed, here. Fuckin' got that right -- bitchinest, most awesome state ever.
Posted by Buford Wormley on 09/17/03 at 12:44:31
Your point's well taken, but didn't those cowardly Texas Dems hole up at an OK Holiday Inn for awhile, unmolested by your men in blue (or do they wear red?). I mean, fuck, I think we still have bounty hunters in CT!
As for Arnie's Army, I'm reminded of that scene from "Taxi Driver" (it's an early Martin Scorsese film--he's the guy who did "Goodfellas"), where Peter Boyle ("Young Frankenstein"/"Frank" on "Everybody Loves Raymond"--but this was before that) is talking to another taxi driver (hence, the name) at a diner (another movie). It went something like this:
Other Cabby: You know, out in California, when two fags split up, one of 'em has to pay the other one alimony.
"Frank": Really. Hmmm. Well, they're way ahead out there.
What's my point? Wise up. Join Rah Blow and support Ahnald. Catch the wave and you're sittin' on top of the world.
Gabba Gabba Hey
P.S. Years back, me and my crowd had an ongoing (but relatively shortlived) schtick of naming the 5 people you would choose to spend eternity with on a chain gang. I'm pretty sure Johnny Cash, Leni Riefenstahl & John Ritter were 3 of mine.
Posted by Roddy on 09/17/03 at 17:06:06
Let me explain it to your damn Yankee eyes.
A bunch of Texas wussicrats come tail-tucked across the Red River. Right, so what in hell is supposed to induce any red-blooded Okie to send them back, or even to hunt them down? Wouldn't that be like doing the Texas government, or so they call it, a favor? What for? After all, Oklahoma is in the UNITED States of America, unlike the lone star.
Besides, we're used to it. You know that a Texan ain't nothin' but a Mexican on his way to Oklahoma.
And if anything more needs to be said about Texas, just look at what Arkansas did to them 'Horns. I rest my case.
P.S. I had a friend who could entertain himself on summer evenings just by sitting on a curb and having dialogues between Johnny Cash and Elvis Presley.
Elvis: "Johnny, you gotta stop bein' pushed around by that woman."
Johnny: "Elvis, if you was half a man, you'd write your own songs."
Maybe they're having that dialogue right now. Goddamn to fuckin' hell, I'm choked up.
Posted by Buford on 09/17/03 at 17:27:23
I hope I'm not miscomprehending you, because someone who never exchanged beliefs with you before might think you think that Elvis Aaron Presley was some kinda freak.
And I mean freak in a bad way, not like Jesus or Joe McCarthy.
But I know you better.
Anyhow, now I remember that the other two people on my chain gang were St. Augustine and the first man/woman/beast that Teddy Roosevelt ever made love to.
"The multitudes are marching to the big kettle drum/It's Alpha and Omega's Kingdom Come"
Posted by RRR on 09/17/03 at 19:31:46
I hope you're not misunderestimating me, neither. I have a drafty, damp feeling that you never laid eyes on Elvis Presley, or certainly never had them open in the sense our Lord Jesus Christ would've meant if you did look at one of them velvet paintings.
What the hell do you think THAT was? That creature was a goddamn goulash of ethnic. Nobody seems to know just what he was, but one thing he sure as hell was not is WHITE. I mean, good gawud, just take a fuckin' look at him. Shake yourself, take a few more drinks. Open your goddamn eyes. You can't tell me that's not a goddman Whitman's sampler of every racial degradation. I mean, he's obviously NON-white, but Tar Nation, he looks like the poster child of every off brand: spic-injun- oleaginous Mediterranean boat trash.
When I come to other comments of yours, however, this color-blindness becomes much less surprising. After a confusing reference to some street in New Orleans named after a woman, you cast the most degenerate aspersion on our great President Theodore Roosevelt, congealing my suspicion that you yourself are some Spaniard off-fling cross-breed, most likely Cuban, holed up in a whorehouse in the Big Easy.
Key dod o, moo chach o.
Posted by Buford Wormley, Genetic American on 09/18/03 at 11:45:35
My estimations of you have come to be a lot more factual now, since your latest accusations about my family tree. In fact, I did one of them "Google" searches of "Buford Wormley," and it turns out you don't exist. And it turns out some guy named EUGENE Wormley does. Or at least he did. http://www.ford-mobley.com/dafm/express/exp1915.htm
You talk a lot more like a Eugene than a Buford, judging from the Eugenes and Bufords I met. The kinda guy who's all gung-ho just to watch a good cockfight but then slips away when the action starts and somehow shows up at the end of the night, all smiles, shaking hands and leaving with his pockets full of money.
Someone who makes big talk about the one-an-only Savior whilst cornering the market in first stones, you know what I'm saying?
You know who they meant when the Founding Fathers spoke of the Creator. And that's why none of your relatives happened to show up for work that day at the Murrah building.
And though these words fall on deaf ears, they are Spoken just the same.
Posted by RRR on 09/19/03 at 20:26:30
Nuh-uh.
Posted by Buford on 09/19/03 at 20:56:26
Shalom, Y'all!
Posted by RRR on 09/19/03 at 21:09:23