An Interview with the Dutch Boy


A hero's act is not thinking of fame. A legend never outlives his name, and harder yet is becoming a symbol, let alone a living one. You play with puppets on a little stage, imagining you are famous. Then you become famous and wish you could just be playing with your puppets.

The Dutch boy and his brave feat have been memorialized in a song by The Handsome Family.

My heart it goes out to that poor little Dutch boy, who stopped a great flood with the tip of his thumb.

We wish to convey our humble gratitude to this delicate soul for granting us this interview. We only hoped to honor the spirit of his deed without imposing upon him any more of the ill tidings of that fame that is too great a cost for altruism.

Question: First, let me say that my heart goes out to you, too. Why did you, or do you, feel no joy?

Dutch boy: Well, for one thing even the cutest little puppies have to die. That sucks.

Question: Was the pressure of being a hero just too much?

Dutch boy: I thought it would feel better than it did. I saved the world for christ's sake and a second later there it goes ready to fall apart again.

Question: Are you a role model? Do you think we need role models?

Dutch boy: Better role model than Michael Jordan. At least I'm not a billionnaire who still feels the need to hawk hot dogs, shoes, long distance carriers etc. A good role model would be the god Shiva who creates the world and also destroys it. That's honesty.

Question: Do you regret putting your thumb in that dike? Would you do it again?

Dutch boy: I'm sure there's some alternate universe where I keep doing it over and over again. Even though a part of me thinks it might be great if we all died together in one big tidal wave, I guess it'll feel like the whole world dies with me when I die anyway, so it doesn't matter. I'm glad I stopped the flood just for the few nice trees I've seen since then.

Question: What was your impulse to do so in the first place? As a former thumb sucker, I have a special empathy for you, or perhaps your story has a special meaning for me. I was wondering if you may have had some similar background, and as a reaction to such impulses, felt that you should turn your thumb to the service of others. Or was sticking your thumb in a dike just another form of the same impulse? Did you really know you were preventing a flood, or were you simply being curious? Or were you being self-destructive?

Dutch boy: It is hard to walk by a hole and not want to at least sniff it. That's what my cat does. Still I was surprised my thumb fit so well in the hole. Maybe the whole thing was a set-up.

Question: Have you contemplated cutting off that famous thumb? I was wondering about the scissors.

Dutch boy: Why cut it off. One day I'll be dead and the skin will fall from the bone and then the bones will grind down to dust. Everything comes to those who wait.

Question: How are you getting along, these days?

Dutch boy: Keep on truckin'. Hah hah. No, I enjoy gardening and birdwatching. I like to notice the small things like a ladybug on a leaf. That puts a smile on my face. I don't know why but it does.

Question: Did the rum become a problem?

Dutch boy: It's hard to drink in bed cause you keep having to get up and go pee. Plus, you have to get dressed and leave the house to buy rum. My attempts at shutting out the world failed miserably. I still have the occasional rusty nail, but in moderation. Everything in moderation. That's what the Greeks said anyway.

Question: What do you think of parable?

Dutch boy: Sometimes a pipe is a pipe. Sometimes it isn't.

Question: What would you want to say to any other prospective Dutch boys out there?

Dutch boy: Use duct tape.


This interview was made possible with the special collaboration of Rennie Sparks, of The Handsome Family. You can find out more about them, their music and the Dutch boy on their web site:

The Handsome Family