Sports Illegitimate
Austin, Universe (IP) -- The University of Texas says, in an official statement released to itself for itself by itself, that it's just fine by it if the entire Big 12 leaves the Big 12.
Texas announced on ESPN which has become the official Longhorns Network that it has plans to form its own conference called the Lone Horn Conference and doesn't need those other schools trying to take its market share, TV audience and money.
Texas Athletic Director, Chancellor, Viceroy and Ranger Dents Thud will be named Grand High Commissioner of the Lone Horn Conference real soon, just you wait and see. It won't be long now, Texas said.
The Big 12 comprises, along with lame-duck Texas A&M, the eight remaining schools who have not yet had the good sense to bail out. They continue to hang onto the Longhorns who take all the market share and money, and who have ESPN, the sports media empire, licking their behinds.
Texas said these so-called Big 12 schools persist with the ridiculous notion that somehow actual legacy or ability in the sport of football makes any difference. It doesn't make any difference whether it's a bottom feeder like Iowa St. or one of the greatest college football traditions of all like Oklahoma, they still have to cow-tow to Texas' gigantic-assed market.
Texas said it has no need for other teams whatsoever and will have a 12-game schedule in which it will parade its team's greatness to which all other teams will defer. These shows of the Texas team will be before sold-out crowds at Texas Memorial Stadium and nationally televised, with Brent Musburger slobbering over them.
Texas will also have a Lone Horn Conference Championship game in which it will also appear, and will declare itself the rightful participant of whichever bowl game it chooses, at which it will also name itself national champion by the BCS, which it will also subsume.
"The thing about other teams is they don't understand competition," Texas said.
