Dearly besotted,

[Cf., drinking group notice for the June 2, 1999, session, which you can do on the web site.]

8:30 p.m., Wednesday, February 23, 2000, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

Cheers,
L.J.

P.S. Thanks to Cindy O.

Subject: 1933 Martian landing

Dear FPs,

There is as much of a chance of repealing the eighteenth amendment as there is for a humming bird to fly to the planet Mars with the Washington Monument tied to its tail. This country is for temperance and prohibition and it is going to continue to elect members of Congress who believe in that.

-- Senator Morris Sheppard

[Prohibition was repealed on December 5, 1933.]

A toast to Senator Sheppard, and to the Washington Monument's relocation via humming bird, at 8:30 p.m., February 16, 2000, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

Cheers,
L.J.

Subject: Greek?

Dear FPs,

I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers what the rest of us said last night.

-- Greek saying

Watch your tongue at 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, February 9, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

All ears,
L.J.

Subject: Blood outa stone

Dear gang,

When all your friends are dissolved
and you're yacking on the phone,
you're techno-grounded.
You're blood into stone.

-- Mark E. Smith

It's that time again, 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, February 2, Groundhog Day, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom. Come and look for your shadow.

Also, trumpets and sparklers as I announce the new home of the web site on Excitingland, the domain of our own Bruce. Here's the link, so copy and save it, or go there now and bookmark:

http://www.excitingland.com/fixion

On the "Fixion" page, which is now the front page, you will find an icon of a dove, which has a black eye if you look really hard. That's your door to the Fighting Pacifists' page.

You can still get to the new site from the Lee Jerome Life page, as the links there now take you to Excitingland. But if you keep doing that very long, you'll be so out of it.

While you're on my own humble site, check out the rest, in particular the eyeball icon, for a little graphic maze that will take you, if you find your way, to a photo by Rini Keagy, our FP in Paris.

Also, note the icon bearing some resemblance to three red sausages. That's where you will find the page where I plan to post the links to the web sites of all you FPs. Hugh's site is already linked, so check it out if you haven't yet.

SEND YOUR WEB SITE ADDRESSES. ATTENTION: CALLING FOR WEB SITE ADDRESSES OF FIGHTING PACIFISTS.

There will be another link on the drinking group record page to this page with the web links.

And one more point of order: If you unsubscribe from the Topica list, you must inform me if you want to continue to receive notices for the group. The best thing to do if you don't want to be on the Topica list is send me an e-mail saying so. If you unsubscribe from Topica without telling me, you won't be on any mailing list for the Fighting Pacifists at all.

O.K., that's it, you're dismissed.

Techno-grounded,
L.J.

Subject: Carrying the torch

Dear FPs,

The next time you think that the drinking group is just another ho-hum night out at a bar, or a tiresome trip away from home after a day of rewarding work, think again. What follows is an e-mail message that was sent to me.

I am a friend of David Addis, who was a member of our Thursday Night Drinking Club, est. 1987, here in the Windy City.

This week we swapped belated whazzups and season's greetings in which he directed me to the Fighting Pacifists site, and I'm writing to commend you on its content and number of members. Our group, too, once had such numbers, but we now are down to a Last Man's Club of three males (with sundry drop-bys). With two of us moving to the suburbs, we are seriously thinking of going to First Thursdays, but it's still a sad day for me as a founding member.

So, that having been said, I write to congratulate you and your fellow Fighting Pacifists and to urge you to enjoy it while it lasts. Long may you drink, and if I might add a Scottish drinking proverb to your collection, "They talk of my drinking but never my thirst." Says it all, that.

Best wishes from your confreres in Chicago at Ten Cat, Ashland Avenue and Irving Park Road, who meet on Thursday nights at 10 p.m.

Mark Wukas

Let's uphold the spirits, comrades, at 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, January 26, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

Fight on, pacifists!
L.J.

Subject: Rhythm

Dear gang,

The important thing is the rhythm. Always have rhythm in your shaking. Now a Manhattan you always shake to fox-trot time, a Bronx to two-step time, a dry martini you always shake to waltz time.

-- William Powell, alias Nick Charles, "The Thin Man"

Shaking lessons at 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, January 19, at Dylan's 19th & Folsom.

Cheers,
L.J.

P.S. About the Topica thing. Some of the group got the wise idea of puttin' everybodies on a distribution list, see. Soes that folks could get a hold of other folks, see. This Topica thing is on the level, I can tell you, they don't want none of that what you call spam, there, or nuttin'. It ain't no stooly kina setup. Anyone who's a member of the list can send an e-mail to everyone else on the list, but if you ain't on the list, you can't get in, see? It's regular exclusive like. But some of yous may not like gettin' e-mails that ain't related to the main business at hand, which is beltin' down the booze social-like on Wensdays. Some of yous may be a little touchy, on account a your extracurricular activities. Well, 'dis ain't prohibition, but if you gotta problem bein' on the list, just reply to ol' L.J. here, an' tell him no dice, an' we'll get ya 86ed, short order. From the list, dat is. Meanwhiles, you can still get the booze news from L.J. regular e-mail like. You can check it all out for yourself, and see just how hidden your e-mail address is, at www.topica.com .

No notice was sent due to biomechanical error.

And in the meantime, there's the drinking group, at 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, January 5, 2000, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

Oodles of fine lovin',
L.J.

Subject: Anyway . . .

Dear FPs,

Himmlisch wars, wenn ich bezwang
Meine sündige Begier,
Aber wenns mir nicht gelang,
Hatt ich doch ein gross Pläsier.

-- Heinrich Heine

[It was heaven to abstain
And keep my sinful greed at bay;
But when my efforts were in vain,
I had great pleasure anyway.

-- translated by Felix Pollack]

Come see off our fucked-up friend, the 20th, and toast the dorky looking new guy, at 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, December 29, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

Happy fucking new year,
L.J.

P.S. We will also be having a special karaoke swimsuit raffle. Please dress up as your favorite atrocity and bring one goat to sacrifice. Wink wink.

Subject: Night of the Anti-Claus

Jolly fellows,

This year a full moon will occur on the winter solstice, Dec. 22, commonly called the first day of winter. Since a full moon on the winter solstice occurs in conjunction with a lunar perigee (point in the moon's orbit that is closest to Earth), the moon will appear about 14% larger than it does at apogee (the point in its elliptical orbit that is farthest from the Earth). Since the Earth is also several million miles closer to the sun at this time of the year than in the summer, sunlight striking the moon is about 7% stronger, making it even brighter. Also, this will be the closest perigee of the Moon of the year since the moon's orbit is constantly deforming. If the weather is clear and there is a snow cover where you live, it is believed that even car headlights will be superfluous. On December 21, 1866, the Lakota Sioux took advantage of this combination of occurrences and staged a devastating retaliatory ambush on soldiers in the Wyoming Territory. In laymen's terms, it will be a super bright full moon, much more than the usual, AND it hasn't happened this way for 133 years!

By this special nocturnal light, we hope you will join us in celebrating Santa in all his pagan glory. Let's show them what Santa's really up to when he comes into town. Santas of the world unite at 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, December 22, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

Merry fucking Christmas,
L.J.

P.S. Topic for discussion: What is the formula for calculating the speed of Santa Claus?

Subject: Clink, clink

Dear city slickers,

Clink, clink, another drink
Plenty in the cellar when it's gone
Drink, drink, the glasses clink
Making tinkly music till the dawn is breaking
Clang, clang, who cares a dang
What's the difference when you're on a spree?
Over the teeth, behind the gums
Look out stomach, here she comes
I'll have another drink on me

Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle, gurgle
Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle, gurgle
Trickle, trickle, trickle, trickle
Slice of cheese and bite of pickle
Doesn't even cost a nickel
Now wash it down - oh!

-- Spike Jones

Let's hear those glasses at 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, December 15, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

Cheers,
L.J.

Subject: Toast

Dear lot,

May you live every day of your life.

--Jonathan Swift

8:30 p.m., Wednesday, December 8, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

L.J.

P.S. Fair warning: In honor of that elusive and anarchic spirit, Santa Claus, and in the manner of those Santa cons who have sought to claim Santa back from the forces of smarm, we would like the drinking group of December 22 to be a special tribute, "Santa's Drinking Night Out." Santa likes to hang out at the pub, too, you know. How do you think he got those rosy cheeks? And forget all those egg nog suckers. Instead of milk and cookies, let's buy Santa a drink! For this special drinking group session, we ask that all you members of the Santas' Local come down and show your support. You don't have to wear your full work clothes, but anything to let 'em know who you are.

Subject: Erotic turkey

Dear return-trip pilgrims,

Thanksgiving is over. Let us give thanks.

The post-Thanksgiving decompression party will be at 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, December 1, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

Up yours,
L.J.

Subject: Riddles

Dear lot,

Question: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: What difference does it make?

Question: How many pacifists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: I give up.

8:30 p.m., Wednesday, November 24, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom. Come and be thankful.

Yours,
L.J.

Subject: That up which is lapped

Y'all,

I'm a good little doggy.

8:30 p.m., Wednesday, November 17, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

L.J.

Subject: Universal Problem Solvent

Friends & Wanderers Upon The Road,

Elixirs, serums, potions, broths -- all vaporous when used alone. Modern Science recommends social compound. Repose with the Urn of Fellowship. Much more abrasive remedies have fared no better. Left-handed vessels are available.

Depart the well-trod Path of Banality. Divert to Dylan's, 19th & Folsom, at 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, November 10, and remove the burden from your back therein.

Your humble servant,
The Good Doctor L.J. Life

P.S. -- Due to ailments to which I am not immune, my unwonted absence was present at the last session. I will be standing in for my absence at the session forthcoming.

Subject: Paradise Trouble

Dear little shoplifters and pickpockets,

At least twice a day the most dignified human being is ridiculous.

-- Ernst Lubitsch

8:30 p.m., Wednesday, November 3, at Dylan's, 19th and Folsom.

Cheers,
L.J.

Subject: Felicity

Fellow tavern-goers,

As soon as I enter the door of a tavern, I experience an oblivion of care, and a freedom from solicitude: Wine there exhilarates my spirits, and prompts me to free conversation and an interchange of discourse with those whom I most love: I dogmatize and am contradicted, and in this conflict of opinions and sentiments I find delights . . . There is no private house in which people can enjoy themselves so well as at a capital tavern. Let there be ever so great plenty of good things, ever so much grandeur, ever so much eloquence, ever so much desire that everybody should be easy; in the nature of things it cannot be: there must always be some degree of care and anxiety . . . Whereas, at a tavern, there is a general freedom from anxiety . . . No, Sir, there is nothing which has yet been contrived by man by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn; a tavern chair is the throne of human felicity.

-- Samuel Johnson

8:30 p.m., Wednesday, October 27, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

Cheers,
L.J.

P.S. Boo.

Subject: You know

Drinking buddies,

Finnish toast (meaning from Finland, although I suppose it could mean the last):

Farewell to reason.

8:30 p.m., Wednesday, October 20, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

Cheers,

L.J.

Subject: Accounts

Tout le monde,

The whole world is about three drinks behind.

-- Humphrey Bogart

8:30 p.m., Wednesday, October 13, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

Cheers,
L.J.

Subject: Drink

Dear friends,

Drink?

At 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, October 6, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

Cheers,

L.J.

Subject: Liquor is essence

Dear thrown,

Fortunately there is gin, the sole glimmer of light in this darkness.
-- Albert Camus (unattributed, unconfirmed)

The next meeting of the Existential Drinking Group is at 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, September 29, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

Benignly indifferent,

L.J.

Subject: Godfrey Daniels

Dear chickadees,

Years ago, it was a woman who drove me to drink. (pause) I never thanked her.

-- W.C. Fields

Next meeting is 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, September 22, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

Love, but not too close,

L.J.

P.S. Matt Holsten never gets any credit.

P.P.S. Check out something interesting that has been added to the web site:

Take the "Fixion" link, then click on the little Spam can.

Hey,

You ever put tomato juice in your beer? Keeps you from getting sick or drunk or anything. Some girl taught me that one time.

-- Hasil Adkins

Try it yourself at 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, September 15, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

No more hot dogs,
L.J.

Comrades,

Drinking is in reality an occupation which employs a considerable portion of the time of many people; and to conduct it in the most rational and agreeable manner is one of the great arts of living.
-- James Boswell

One of the saddest things is that the only thing man can do for eight hours a day, day after day, is work. You can't eat eight hours a day, nor drink for eight hours a day, nor make love for eight hours.
-- William Faulkner

We will next go to work on this fine art at 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, September 8, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

L.J.

Subject: iDrinking Group, Burning Liquor

Dear webaholics,

The drinking group notices are now posted on the web. You can see a record of the groups going back to last December, and they will continue to accumulate there for posterity. You can see attendance records and notes for each meeting, and you can contribute notes if you so desire.

Just go to my home page:

http://home.earthlink.net/~ljlife

Take the Fighting Pacifist link at the bottom. Check out Fixion, too, as that has been updated.

Hey, wait a minute. This message is posted there, too. It's in the e-mail and it's here on the web page. Look, I can see myself. I'm waving my hand in here in this e-mail and I can read about it on the web page. Man, this is weird, cool and freaky.

And while all this spiffiness is going on, most of our group is heading out for Burning Man. That means we won't have everyone on hand for the next drinking group, which will be the first web-enhanced drinking group. Oh well.

Here's a little something I put together in honor of Burning Man:

Heaving sky
viscous media of heatwaves
unfurl emptiness
shrink-wrapped unleavened earth
unfettered fallow eons
history's blank page
belching deathlust
gaspipe redundant heat
machine-launched naked bodies skid across god's pavement
blow-torch blow job

kiss me with your parched lips

The rest of us can meet in the cool, wind and fog for plain old liquor at 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, September 1, at Dylan's, 19th and Folsom, not so far from our comfy beds.

With affectionate disgust,
L.J.

Subject: Boozin' and schmoozin'

Dear flits,

Come put your glass or bottle on the face of Dylan Thomas.

8:30 p.m., Wednesday, August 25, Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

Love,
L.J.

Subject: Ante up

Dear guzzlers,

If oceans was whiskey
and I was a duck
I'd dive into it
and never come up.

-- Lonnie Irving (as sung by Mark E. Smith)

8:30 p.m., Wednesday, August 18, at Dylan's, 19th & Folsom.

Yours,
L.J.

Subject: Drink to Jonathan Richman, stink to Nirvana

Dear Nirvana skankmeat,

The very peak of mope-dopey rockish Romanticism, it turns out, is well thought of by a good portion of the drinking group, who drew ranks around yours truly to revile him with such daft lines as "How could someone not like Nirvana?" And I thought we weren't in high school anymore, let alone any commentary about general conformism in our society. That great scads of people like Nirvana, that they became popular very quickly, was suggested as an argument that something must have been good about them (by way of deducing the same about the "The Blair Witch" thingy). The number of followers is no more an argument that something isn't daft than the opposite simplistic reduction that only the rare is good. I mean, there's Roman Catholicism, as one example.

Oh, but we don't want to hurt any feelings. Just like Kurt wouldn't have wanted to. That's not what being all ratty and gravelly voiced and provocative and doing heroine is all about. The tormented emotional genius, or at least guy with a knack for timing, was so expressive of the angst of an entire generation that was so forlorn about not getting to be defined as a generation. In entire sections of Time Magazine, he bemoaned not getting attention, and as a tribute to his maverick rebel grunge cultural novelty, TV morning talk shows pontificated on the cause of his extremely dramatic untimely definitive generation- culture- era- defining suicide, offering, for example, that Kurt was upset upon watching "Leave It to Beaver" because he didn't get to have a family life like that. A tribute to the fucking awesome genuisness of the dude, all the more genius-like for being so tragic.

Another example of his fucking awesome perception, and why he's not so much one overnight freak dude as a cross-section of what it is about us that defines the essence of our nature, his line yelled from stage at a concert: "Courtney Love is the best fuck in the world." My amorous pursuits must be all wrong. I was under the mistaken impression that Courtney wasn't even attractive.

And you're probably thinking to yourself, somewhere about now, "He's not even talking about the music." My sentiments exactly.

All this at the same time that Jonathan Richman was sitting right there in our very own Dylan's. It just makes me shake my head and say, "Kids today."

Yes, Jonathan Richman walked into Dylan's at the last drinking group. O.K., it wasn't Nirvana, but it was Jonathan Richman, in person. And if you weren't at the last drinking group, then now you know what sort of things entirely incidental to the drinking group you're missing by not coming to the drinking group.

The next meeting is at 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, August 4, at Dylan's 19th & Folsom.

I will not be in attendance at this next drinking group, as I have been suspended by the overwhelming majority of the Nirvana faction, which just goes to show my bad taste. As penance, I have been sentenced to a week-long drive from New York to San Francisco, to discover what it means to be living today at this particular point in time in my generation in America. I hope to find the place along the way where I can put my finger down and feel the pulse beat.

Yours, catarrhously,
L.J.

P.S. So long and hello to Bruce and Penelope, who, by moving from San Francisco to Missoula, Montana, have raised the average I.Q. of two states. I say this with all the deepest of affection, even though they do like Nirvana. Here's another corny old place joke: In honor of Bruce and Penelope, The Fighting Pacifist Alumni Association will be having a quilting bee quiz show. First prize will be one week in Missoula, Montana. Second prize -- two weeks in Missoula, Montana.