Greatest Teams

In 2019, at the same time as a poll for the greatest championship games was taken, there was a poll for the greatest teams. This was considered by year, according to yearly graduation and recruitment and what that group of players accomplished for that season. The poll includes some overlap, as some teams with players who carried over to another year made the list for more than one year. But that's also because they were judged by year, that year's model, even if a different year included some of the same players. The 86-88 Whooperville A&M Fighting Junebugs, or the 91-92 Puke Mess, or the 97-98 State Pen Convicts were certainly dynastic in their repeat championships and had some players continue through those spans, but they also had turnover of players and each season was a different campaign.

#1

The poll produced a surprise with this result, showing that the '86 Fighting Junebugs had surpassed the '91 Mess (see the next item) as the team considered the greatest of all time. It took a long time for this to come about, because of the progression of the Whooperville A&M teams through their three-peat, and then the legacy of 91-92 Puke, and also because of the legacy of these players in their professional careers. In 1986, this Whooperville team was the upstarts. They were expected to be great, by the next season and after. Northwestsoutheastern was the heir apparent, and the Fighting Junebugs still had to overcome archrival Kootsville Tech in the Little 10 to get their first conference championship.
    QB Keanan Peachy, RB Adam Smasher, TE Ty Twad and WR Eubie Gutnau were all sophomores in 1986. RB Curtis Interruptis was a junior, and WR Lucas Film a senior. In the next two seasons, 1987 and 88, these players as upperclassmen would thoroughly dominate, especially in the championship games, a league that had its richest period ever in talent. But all this makes 1986 all the more a measure of their talent.
    They beat Kootsville Tech in one of the greatest games of their series, 25-24, to win the Little 10 on the last week of the season. Their semifinal with a great Mountain Valley team was also an electrifying 35-31 victory. And that landed them in the championship a year ahead of schedule against QB Warren Peace, who won the Demetrius Award that year, and the league-dominating Fighting Pacifists. What many don't remember is that this younger group beat the Pacifists on the opening week of the season, serving notice right off. Their only loss was a 35-30 mid-season thriller to conference foe Grandma Jones, led by QB Bubba Nipple and RB Horace Cope. Whooperville nonetheless would defeat Northwestsoutheastern 22-21 in the Galactic Soup Bowl. That game also topped the poll for greatest championship games (see here).
    Interruptis is widely considered the best running back ever to play in the SCAB and the LAF, and he set rushing records in both the SCAB championship game (the following year, 1987) and the Hyperbowl. Interruptis would win the Demetrius Award in 87. Peachy would win it in 1988, making Whooperville the first school to have different players win the award in successive years. While Colin Alcarse of the 91 Puke team is generally considered the first great playmaker TE, Twad was dominant at the position before him. And Gutnau would be All-SCAB WR the next two seasons and an all-star in the LAF. He played with Peace for the Nashville Trash and won Hyperbowls in 1996 and 97.

#2

Widely considered the greatest team from this very year until, well, pretty much this poll, Puke's second championship team (the first was 1985, the year before the Whooperville team above) dominated the league like no one had before. Like the 86 Junebugs, this team is an all-star roster, and was quite literally one for the 1991 SCAB honors: five of them were named to the All-SCAB first team, the most ever from one team. QB Lance Boils became the first player to win the Demetrius Award in consecutive years in the SCAB-wide era. In 91, he broke the season record for TD passes with 53. TE Colin Alcarse set the record for TDs up to that point with 21. Even their kicker, Jan Hills, set the mark for field goals in a single season with 36.
    RB Fortitude DeSoto and WR Conrad "Dirty" Lenin both made All-SCAB, even though their mates, RB Eddie Pus and WR Gene Jacket were considered the more talented. Jacket would make All SCAB in 92, and Pus would go on to be a LAF all-star and MVP and Hyperbowl winner and MVP with the Flint Stones.
    Puke averaged an incredible 57.75 points per game in 1991. In the tournament, they whipped Whooperville A&M 41-0 and Our Lady 38-19. In the championship game, they dominated a State Pen team that had QB Sal Manela, RB Daryl Licht and WRs Scott Free and Robin Banks. Only the score, 24-10, made it look not so bad. Boils passed for 296 yards and ran for 65 in the game, Pus rushed for 63 and had 51 receiving, and Alcarse had 137 yards and a TD receiving. State Pen had just 109 yards passing and 76 rushing.
    Puke went undefeated for two straight seasons, setting the record winning streak of 38 games, which would hold until Kootsville Tech's run of 53 from 2015-2018. DeSoto was replaced by Lowell DeBoom for the 92 version, that beat PU in the final 30-14. The 92 model didn't make the top 10 list, getting crowded out by the competition, but of course most of the 91 squad was responsible for the two full seasons undefeated and #1 from wire to wire.

#3

This time we go to the other end of a multi-season run. State Pen won the championship in 1997, then returned to repeat in 98, but the latter team is considered the better. The 98 version added WR Cyril Killur to an already loaded roster and the Convicts were more dominating in every way. QB Upton O'Good and RB Ernesto Hornets were expected to be Demetrius Award candidates, but O'Good and returning WR Mel Fraud were finalists for the award. The surprise winner was Fraud, largely because he broke the single-season TD record with 22, though it was widely considered that O'Good had more to do with that. O'Good set the record for passing composite of 976. Many thought that would never be broken, and surely not 1,000 passed (Kootsville's Harlan Daggers did it in 2016 with 1041.3).
    State Pen had won a thriller against a great Lady Warship team to win the title in 97, but dominated the tournament in 98, beating Our Lady 43-28 in the Dust Bowl, Brimstone 21-7 in the Western Semi, and DeSade S&M 31-10 in the Galactic Soup Bowl.

#4

And this time, it's the last version of a three-peat. Kootsville Tech's final season of three successive championships extended their unbeaten streak a third year (it would go eight games into a fourth, 2018), added #1 RB recruit Justin Krotch to the arsenal, and was capped by the most impressive championship game performance ever (see here).
     The Spitters returned from their two previous championships QB Harlan Daggers, who broke the passing composite record in 2016; RB Chester Doggon Minnit, who had been a league-leading rusher before Krotch arrived; all-everything TE and WR D.O. Durant, whose 64-yard end-around run won the 2015 championship game; TE Dub L. Nichols and WR Luke Daggers. Harlan Daggers won the Demetrius Award in 2017, and would win it again in 2018. Krotch would go on in 2019 to lead the league in rushing and be runner-up for the Demetrius Award.
     Kootsville Tech completed the three-peat right after Northwestsoutheastern had accomplished theirs, and joined them and Whooperville A&M for the feat. It was Kootsville's seventh title, tying Northwestsoutheastern for the most. The Spitters won the first two SCAB championships and three of the first four and were the first perennial SCAB power, and they appeared in more championship games than any other team, and are the second most frequent visitor to the playoffs after Northwestsoutheastern. The 2017 team topped all their illustrious history.

#5

Just as with Kootsville Tech, it's hard to pick a Northwestsoutheastern team from their own history alone. As we'll see, there's more than one that made the top 10 and they were the school with the most representatives. The 1993 model was one of the best offenses ever up to that time, second in scoring only to 91 Puke. But they were upset in the semis by Our Lady (another of Nwse's famous tournament upsets: see the 1986 final to Whooperville, the 1988 semi to Bleeding Heart, and the 2011 final to Holy Grail). QB Virgil Reality won the Demetrius Award in 1993, the first sophomore to do so since the award was SCAB-wide. RB Nick Romancer would win it 1995.
     But the 1994 team, despite less impressive stats, and upstaged by conference foe DeSade S&M who was ranked #1 from pre-season to final regular season poll, and who beat the Pacifists on the last week of the season for the Pack title, won the championship with almost the same team of stars, and reversed the fortune of 93 to do it. The loss to DeSade sent Nwse to the Salad Bowl, but they beat conference foe Axlegrease Tech 38-25, then got Our Lady back by whipping them in their home bowl, the Fish, 33-10. Puke had upset DeSade, and Nwse beat them in the semis 27-14. And for the final, the Pacifists got none other than Kootsville Tech, and their 20-14 victory reversed a 1982 loss to them and brought Nwse, finally, its second championship.
     Besides Reality and Romancer, the 94 squad had RB Jason Rainbows. Yes, that's right, running back. One of the LAF's greatest WRs was a RB at Nwse, and very good at that position, too. At WR they had Luke St. Everything, another who became an LAF great. They also had TE Wayne Wacks.

#6

And here they are right away: the next Fighting Pacifist team. This team was the middle of a three-peat, and edges out the other two of the span by virtue of lineup (over 2012) and accomplishments (over 2014). In 2012, Northwestsoutheastern cruised past everyone, including Cavalry in the final. In 2014, the Fighting Pacifists lost to Kootsville Tech in regular season (in one of the greatest games, see here). But in 2013, Nwse dominated everyone, including Kootsville Tech in the regular season 41-7, and wiped out their tournament foes Our Lady 59-0 and Holy Grail 38-0, before a rematch with Kootsville Tech in the final. That game had Nwse as a prohibitive favorite, but turned into a surprise thriller. The way the Pacifists won it made it still look inevitable (see here).
     The Fighting Pacifists were led by their three straight #1 recruits: QB Constantine Angst, RB Elvis Eros and RB Rip Bonaparte. The recruiting three-peat was a first, and in the age of parity led to an even more suprising dynasty and a three-time champion. No one thought Whooperville A&M's feat would ever be matched, and certainly not when talent was being spread more around the league than ever before. WR Les Payne came in to join TE Lou Stemper and WR Efren Defoe, and this squad was considered better than the 2013.
     Angst won his second straight Demetrius Award in 2013, becoming the fourth repeat winner in the SCAB era, after Puke's Lance Boils, DeSade's Payne Indiass, and Cretin's E. Chitton Dye.

#7

Here's where it may seem like hairsplitting, when the dynasties get to take more than one place, but they are different teams, too. The Fighting Junebugs replaced only WR Lucas Film from their scoring squad, with Maurice Huntley, and this time they went undefeated, even whipping Northwestsoutheastern 34-7 in early season, non-conference play. RB Curtis Interruptis won the Demetrius Award this year, and his QB, Keenan Peachy, was the runner-up. Peachy would win it the next season.
     While the championship game was a relative cake walk over Porkbelly, Whooperville A&M had another dynamite game with Mountain Valley in the Dust Bowl, escaping 28-26. But perhaps the greatest legacy of this season was their second straight classic with arch-rival Kootsville Tech in the regular season for the Little 10 title. The Junebugs won 31-28 on a 56-yard Ma Bo-lai field goal in the last minute, after Interruptis scored a 9-yard TD and they recovered an onsides kick. The teams met again in the Western Semi, after Kootsville Tech had beaten Northwestsoutheastern in the Toilet Bowl, and Whooperville took away the drama, winning 24-7.

#8

State Pen won its first outright Little 10 championship and right to host the Dust Bowl, that just part of their first ever undefeated season. The Convicts beat Puke and DeSade S&M in early non-conference play, then steamrolled their conference foes, posting six shutouts, including an incredible 66-0 wipeout of Kootsville Tech, its worst loss ever. State Pen was led by freshman QB Upton O'Good, who led the nation in passing and threw for 48 TDs, and TE Butch Femme who led the SCAB with 20 TDs and was the number two receiver in the league. Convict head coach Max De Nife, who was the first winner of the Demetrius Award in 1975, was named All-SCAB Coach.
     State Pen didn't have WR Cyril Killur in 97, but Larson E. Charges, who after the former's arrival in 98 would become one of the Convicts' best kickers. But the rest of the squad that would win State Pen's first championship and then the second the next year were in place: O'Good, RBs Max Murder and Ernesto Hornets, Femme, WR Mel Fraud. Their kicker in 97 was another great, Klaus Terfobia.
     In the tournament the Convicts had to struggle with Puke and then overcome a great Lady Warship team in an electrifying final, including holding off a fierce rally. That game was chosen the 4th best championship game (see here).

#9

The Fighting Pacifists have had a championship in each decade, but that didn't look so good until they started winning them in a row. They had to wait 11 years for their second and third championships. But the fourth came the year after the third (and in the next decade they would win three in a row). The squad that produced the 2005-06 run was certainly one of the most illustrious, including Demetrius Award winners WR Avery Cunningham in 2005, and QB Sebastian Ophuls in 2006. Northwestsoutheastern became the second school, after Whooperville A&M in 87-88, to have two players win the award in successive years. But they also had teammates QB Virgil Reality and RB Nick Romancer win it in 1993 and 1995.
     The 2005 model had the better squad and the more impressive record overall, especially in the tournament. As well as Ophuls and Cunningham, the most dominant players in the league at their position at the time, the scoring squad had RBs Drew Cheers and Juarez Hell, TE Phil Badd and WR Aman DeLamb. The Fighting Pacifists rolled through the season, even a few games closer in score, with State Pen, Porkbelly and DeSade S&M, actually quite in hand.
     But it was their tournament run that showed the gap between them and the league. In a rematch with State Pen in the Punch Bowl, they won 41-20 (after 20-13 in regular season). They brushed aside Bleeding Heart in the semi 40-10. Then in the Galactic Soup Bowl they dominated Swampmush State's most accomplished team ever, led by RB Jock Kitsch, 34-7. Ophuls passed for 349 yards, Cunningham had 12 catches for 164 yards and a TD. Kitsch was the bulk of Swampmush's offense, with 65 yards rushing, 46 receiving, but even Nwse's Cheers upstaged him with 97 yards rushing.

#10

And we come right back with the following year's version. The only difference for the skill players was RB Sandy Groin replacing Juarez Hell. Despite the loss of that talent, the Fighting Pacifists were still able to dominate the league largely because of the passing corps of Ophuls, Cunningham, Badd and DeLamb (see above). They had one close call in the regular season, a 17-16 win over Holy Grail, but still went undefeated for the second year in a row. Despite a surprising close call from Little Bighorn in the Punch Bowl -- Nwse escaped 23-20 -- they had a performance as good as or better than 2005's in the final, beating 41-7 a UPRNY team that had QB Elian Spahn, RBs Hugo Gurl and Milo Rider, and WRs Orlando Difri and Mustafa Djab.
     Again, it may seem redundant to have these two teams, largely the same, follow each other to take up spots in the poll, but comparing by year, this one won out over others, including other Northwestsoutheastern teams.

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And on that note, too, we include the rest of the poll as honorable mention, to give you an idea of where others placed:

11. 2014 Northwestsoutheastern
12. 2012 Northwestsoutheastern
13. 2016 Kootsville Tech
14. 2009 Cretin
15. 1989 Mountain Valley
16. 2015 Kootsville Tech
17. 2002 State Pen
18. 1992 Puke
19. 2011 Holy Grail
20. 2004 State Pen