Northwestsoutheastern 21, UPRNY 24

September 6
#6 U. or Puerto Rico in New York met #13 Northwestsoutheastern on opening day and had the closest game of ranked opponents. The Sharks led 17-7 at half, but the Fighting Pacifists scored on two straight drives at the end of the 3rd quarter and about half way into the 4th to take a 21-17 lead. They intercepted UPRNY QB Nick O'Teen three plays later, but then failed a 59-yard field goal attempt that gave the Sharks the ball on their 42. O'Teen threw to TE Cole Cox for 23 yards and 3 plays later 11-yards to WR Candy DeSpencer for the winning TD. The Pacifists still had a chance at another field goal but missed again. Nwse QB U.R. Here passed for 288 yards and 3 TDs; WR Upson Downs had 108 yards and 2 TDs receiving. O'Teen had 207 yards and 2 TDs passing, 69 yards rushing; Cox had 199 yards and a TD receiving, 6 yards and a TD rushing.

Axlegrease Tech 28, Mountain Valley 27

September 13
The Tarfaces were ranked #18 when the unranked Choirboys came in to give them a scare. The lead changed on every score, and the back and forth was wild early. At the end of the first quarter Axlegrease Tech intercepted Mountain Valley QB Peter Andy Woolf, then 3 plays later, RB Lincoln Continental fumbled the ball back on the Axlegrease 39. Woolf struck back in one play, a 39-yard TD pass to WR Hal Aluya for a 10-7 lead. After the Tarfaces evened again with a FG, they forced a punt and returned the favor, QB Otto Mission connecting with TE Bud Hinges on a 43-yard TD pass for a one-play drive. The Choirboys drove to another TD to tie it at 17 at half, then the teams traded only FGs into the 4th, when the Choirboys put together the next TD drive to go ahead 27-20. The Tarfaces took almost exactly the time left to drive 86 yards in 12 plays to 7-yard Continental TD run. And then Mission ran it in himself for 2 points and the win. Mission finished with 270 yards and 2 TDs passing; Hinges with 12 catches for 163 yards and 2 TDs. Woolf had 246 yards and a TD passing; Aluya 116 yards and a TD receiving; Mountain Valley RB Nick O'Time 71 yards and a TD rushing, 57 yards receiving.

Northwestsoutheastern 14, Brimstone 13

September 20
The Fighting Pacifists were more the upstarts at #11 to Brimstone's #7, and both of these teams would be just off the pace of real contenders this season, but this encounter featured players who would be stars at some point in their careers, and this was the coming out of one, Brimstone RB Dave Rath, a freshman here who would have his first big peformance in the loss. Rath would win the Demetrius Award his senior year. The teams fought to a 0-0 halftime. Fireworks are one thing, but defensive struggles build up the suspense another way. Suddenly in the middle of the 3rd quarter Nwse zipped 61 yards in 5 plays, QB U.R. Here running for 25 yards on one play, and throwing 14 yards to TE Butch Wacks for the TD. The Hellfires responded with a kickoff return to the 42, then three plays later Rath took it in, 47 yards. In the 4th, the Pacifists would have another blitz drive, 5 plays, to a 6-yard TD from Here to WR Upson Downs to take the lead 14-7. Brimstone followed, heightening the suspense with a 13-play drive. Rath ran 17 yards to the Nwse 4, then 2 plays later scored from the 3. But on the 2-point try, it was running mate Vance Notis who got the carry, and he was stopped at the line of scrimmage. The change-up from Rath ploy didn't work, and the Pacifists got the upset. Rath had 125 yards and 2 TDs, but Brimstone QB Loren Order also passed for 257 yards, and WR Justin Case had 120 yards receiving. Here passed for 234 yards and 2 TDs; Wacks had 83 and TD receiving; Downs 90 and a TD receiving.

Swampmush St. 30, Grandma Jones 24

October 18
#19 Grandma Jones came into #16 Swampmush St., drove 11 plays to a TD, blocked a punt to set up at the Swampmush 8, and scored 3 plays later, then got another drive to a TD in the 2nd quarter, to jump on the Mosquitos 21-0. The 3 TDs were three short passes to different receivers by QB Jackson Ball. The Mosquitos finally struck quickly in the 2nd, with two 45-yard passes in a row, from QB Wade Pool to WR Vern Barr, then to TE Bud Suck for the TD. They scored again off a shanked punt in 3 plays in the 3rd, then had a long drive to a 6-yard TD pass to WR Lee Pfrog on the first play of the 4th. They tried a 2-point play and Pool was stopped short on a run. But they forced a punt and drove to a 19-yard Telim Tegetov FG for the 23-21 lead. The Bisquiteaters replied with a long drive to a 33-yard Roland Pin FG of their own to reclaim the lead. Then Swampmush St. went right back, in 6 plays, including a 33-yard pass to Barr, and a 19-yard run by RB Tim Pest, to a 4-yard TD pass to Suck. Grandma Jones drove to their 45 before time expired. Pool had 321 yards and 3 TDs passing; Suck had 115 yards and 2 TDs receiving; Pfrog had 97 and a TD; Barr 109 yards. Ball passed for only 154 yards, but 3 TDs; Grandma RB Bret Crums rushed for 95 yards.

DeSade S&M 28, Cretin 29

November 8
A showdown between #8 and #5, for the Pack lead (neither team had lost a conference game before this), and two offenses loaded with stars, produced a thriller. After three punts, DeSade S&M got an interception, then QB Gil O'Teen, who would take his team to the championship game in 1998 and win the Demetrius Award in 1999, threw 28 yards to TE Brandon Iron to start the drive, then ended with an 8-yard run for the TD. Cretin then struck back with a drive that included a 24-yard run from RB Bud Hole and ended with a 7-yard TD pass from QB Mike Hunt to WR Ray Pist. RB Drew Blood of the Leathermen returned fire with a 44-yard run two plays later, and finished the drive with a 7-yard TD run. DeSade would strike quickly again just before half, a 35-yard pass to Iron setting up the 12-yard TD pass to WR Nestor Vipers. They traded TD drives in the 3rd quarter, then at the beginning of the 4th, a 25-yard punt return by WR Roy El Pain set Cretin up at the DeSade 23. They scored 2 plays later, an 11-yard run by Hole. Hunt threw to TE Owen Detts for 2 points. The Asses intercepted DeSade on the next possession, then drove to the 5, but the Leathermen held them on downs. Cretin held to a punt, and got the ball at the DeSade 40. They drove in 6 plays to a 10-yard TD pass to Pist, and the extra point for the win. The Leathermen still had time for two plays, one a 24-yard run by RB Payne Staking to the Cretin 48, but then O'Teen's hail Mary failed. O'Teen passed for 240 yards and 2 TDs, rushed for 30 and a TD; Blood rushed for 87 and a TD; Iron had 93 yards receiving; WR Marky DeSade 81 and a TD. Cretin's Hunt passed for 271 yards and 3 TDs; Hole rushed for 126 and a TD; Pist had 69 yards and 2 TDs receiving; El Pain 102 yards receiving.

UPRNY 34, Our Lady 35

November 8
As great a showdown as that was, on the same day this one topped it. This was #4 versus #2, but the Sharks had already lost a conference game, the Johns were undefeated, and #3 was undefeated Lady Warship, another Non-Conference foe. The astonishing thing about this thriller was how the Puerto Rico in New York jumped all over Our Lady: 17-0 in the first quarter, 24-7 at half, 34-14 into the 4th. It looked a blowout of an upset. It started on the Johns' first possession. The Sharks blocked the punt, got the ball at the Our Lady 11, and RB Gus Pacho ran it in the next play. After a FG, and two straight fairly long drives to TDs, a 9-yard TD pass from QB Nick O'Teen to WR Candy DeSpencer and 13-yard pass to WR Mick Smerridge, by the Sharks for a 24-0 lead, Our Lady finally got in the game with punch of their own. RB Mel Stripper ran 37 yards to the UPRNY 20, and on the next play, QB Q.P. Doll connected with WR Luke Sharpe for the distance to a TD. After the Sharks scored a FG on the opening drive of the 2nd half, the Johns got a 40-yard kickoff return, then scored in 4 plays, a 17-yard pass to TE Mead Grinder. Still UPRNY would add another TD, a 33-yard run by RB Rusty Nail on the 2nd to last play of the 3rd, to lead 34-14 and appeared to have the game well under control. Our Lady followed that with a 12-play, 82-yard drive to a 12-yard run by RB Phil Good, and then RB Mel Stripper ran it in for 2 points, to make it 22-34. The Johns forced a punt, and drove again, but it took them 13 plays this time, at one point converting a 4th down and 2 yards with an 8-yard run by Stripper, and scoring on a 10-yard pass to Sharpe. The kicked the extra point to make it 29-34. And then came the real excitment. The Johns recovered the onsides kick, and 2 plays later Stripper busted a 27-yard run to the UPRNY 16. On the next play Doll ran it in himself for the winner. The clock ran out so it was the last play.

Fish Bowl: Lady Warship 30, DeSade S&M 23

December 6
In a thriller that came down to the last score, Lady Warship QB Heller Highwater ran 32 yards for the game winner on the next play after DeSade S&M failed to convert on 4th down. Highwater had 80 yards rushing and was 23 of 43 for 205 passing, with 2 TDs. Demetrius Award-winner RB Buster Hymen ran for 54 yards and one score and had 33 yards in receptions. DeSade QB Gil O'Teen was only 14 of 26 for 191 yards, with one TD and one interception, and RB Drew Blood was the leading rusher with 76 yards. He also had 32 yards receiving with one TD.

Eastern Semi: Lady Warship 28, Our Lady 26

December 13
In an electrifying game that followed suit for the previous bowl games and for Our Lady in particular, Lady Warship overcame an early Our Lady lead, struck out a good lead of its own, then hung on for Our Lady's fierce comeback at the end. But the Johns, who had beaten UPRNY and Cretin in comebacks, fell short this time. Down 28-16 at the end of the third quarter, Our Lady scored a TD, on a 6-yard run from RB Mel Stripper, and a Billy Dancer field goal following an interception. Behind by only two, 28-26, the Johns then recovered the onsides kick. But a penalty and the Fighting Seamen defense held Our Lady out of field goal range, and Lady Warship ran out the clock. Seamen WR Lou Swimmen had 9 receptions for 123 yards and 2 TDs. Demetrius Award-winning RB Buster Hymen rushed for only 46 yards, with a TD, but also had 61 yards in receptions. QB Heller Highwater was 22 of 38 for 320 yards and 2 TDs, but his 3 interceptions helped keep Our Lady in the game. Our Lady QB Q.P. Doll was held to only 90 yards passing, but RB Mel Stripper rushed for 78 yards and a TD and had a catch for another TD. Our Lady K Billy Dancer made all 4 field goal attempts.

Galactic Soup Bowl (championship): Lady Warship 22, State Pen 24

December 20
The State Pen Convicts jumped on Lady Warship, then held on through a big surge at the end, including a last FG attempt, to claim their first championship and complete an undefeated season. The game was characterized by miscues and opportunistic plays, and was predominately a defensive struggle between these two evenly matched offensive powers. It came down to a 46-yard FG attempt by Fighting Seamen K Wymouth Bass, the miss yielding State Pen the marbles. When all was done, State Pen. QB Upton O'Good fared best in stats and was the most valuable player. He was 18 of 29 for 211 yards and 1 TD. He also rushed for 37 yards on 5 carries, the bulk of it on a 27-yard scramble in the second quarter that set up a field goal to regain the lead for State Pen. Lady Warship gave a respectable effort, holding Convict RB Ernesto Hornets to just 37 yards rushing, after he had rushed for more than 100 in each of two previous tournament games. But on their side, Fighting Seamen RB Buster Hymen, the Demetrius Award-winner, had only 34 yards rushing. It was RB Torpedo Lovecraft, who had been upstaged by his teammate this season, who took Lady Warship from the verge of defeat to the verge of victory with his 62-yard TD run with less than two minutes left in the game. After the extra point, Lady Warship was down by only two, 24-22. The Seamen recovered an onsides kick and after a Lovecraft rush of three yards, an incomplete pass, then a 16-yard pass to WR Gustav Wend, Lady Warship set up for the FG on first down at the State Pen. 29-yard line -- the kick and a league title sailing away from the Seamen.
State Pen looked too commanding in the first quarter, barely stalling on their first drive then scoring quickly off a short Seamen punt, RB Max Murder rushing 3 yards for the TD, then killing the next Lady Warship drive with an interception. But in the 2nd quarter, the Seamen got a FG, then disrupted a State Pen punt attempt to set up a 30-yard drive, capped by an 8-yard TD pass to WR Gustav Wend. A 23-yard TD pass to WR Mel Fraud gave State Pen a 17-9 lead by halftime, and Hornets scored from 4 yards to make it 24-9 in the 3rd. Lady Warship got two Bass field goals to pull within 24-15 by the last half of the 4th quarter, just before Lovecraft's electrifying run.

Whooperville A&M 27, Kootsville Tech 22

September 28
The uniform schedule formula for all conferences meant that these original rivals no longer played each other as their last game each season, and this would be the last time Whooperville A&M would be ranked higher than Kootsville Tech for at least two decades. The Fighting Junebugs were #17 and the Spitters were unranked, something quite rare for them. Whooperville scored on a 34-yard pass from QB Don Breaks to RB Saul There, 3 plays after forcing Kootsville to punt on their first drive. But the Spitters scored on an 11-yard pass from QB Jackson Kings to WR Skip Toudelou near the end of the 2nd to take a 14-10 lead at half. The Junebugs returned the 2nd half kickoff to the Spitter 15 and scored 2 plays later, a 5-yard run by RB Saddam Joke, then capped a long drive in the 4th with a 1-yard plunge by Breaks, to go up 24-14. Whooperville then botched a punt snap and gave the Spitters the ball at their own 29. Two plays later Kings hit RB Roman Round for a 20-yard TD pass, and Round then ran in for 2 points, to make it 22-24. The Junebugs recovered the onsides kick and drove to 35-yard Ralph Pumping-Action FG, to stretch the lead beyond a FG. After a three and out, Kootsville punted, then on the last play of the game, intercepted Breaks at the Whooperville 35, but returned it only 7 yards. Breaks had 202 yards and a TD passing, 23 and a TD rushing; There had 53 yards rushing, 58 and a TD receiving. Kings had 178 yards and 2 TDs passing; Kootsville Tech RB Rip Snorten rushed for 83 yards and a TD.

Little Bighorn 17, Cavalry 19

October 5
These teams met undefeated and ranked #11 and #9, and this game would be for the lead in the Clan. After Little Bighorn dominated the first half and led 14-3, the Cavalry struck back right away in the 3rd quarter, driving in 7 plays to the Ambusher 41, where they then covered the distance on a pass from QB Horace Sense to TE X.S. Baggage. Little Bighorn answered that with a 54-yard Al Beback FG, and then it was back to a defensive tussle, until, after a series of misfires near the Ambusher end zone -- Little Bighorn stopped Cavalry on a 4th down at the 7, but then botched their own punt attempt to give the ball back at the 20 -- the Galloping Ghosts scored on a 22-yard pass to WR Ben DeRiver, but failed a 2-point attempt. It was 17-16 Little Bighorn. The Ambushers tried to convert on a 4th down at the Cavalry 46, but failed, and 2 plays later Cavalry RB Horace Shuse ran 31 yards to the Ambusher 25. It took them 6 more plays to get to the 12, but from there they got a 29-yard Jean Darme FG to go ahead 19-17. After forcing a punt, the Galloping Ghosts would drive again to the Little Bighorn 1, but were intercepted in the end zone. The teams then traded fumbles on successive plays, heightening the suspense and wildness, and then the Ambushers would only get to their 30 when time ran out. Little Bighorn WR Yves Destruction had 11 catches for 116 yards and a TD. DeRiver had 7 catches for 100 yards and a TD.

DeSade S&M 19, Cretin 18

November 2
In hindsight this game is even bigger, after the careers so many of these players would have in the LAF. At the time of this major Pack showdown DeSade was ranked #4 and Cretin #12. Despite big plays, it would have an off-key, defensive feel, with strange scoring, starting with a safety. The Leathermen missed a 59-yard FG attempt on their first drive, then forced a punt, putting them back on their own 16. On the next play, Cretin chased QB Ben Sinister back to his own end zone and sacked him there for 2-0 lead. The Asses then took the free kick and drove to a 22-yard TD run by RB Hugo Faq-Yusef, to extend to 9-0. The Leathermen drove right back and returned the fire with a 23-yard RB Kirk Screw TD run, but missed the extra point try. Cretin added a FG near the end of the half to lead 12-6. DeSade took almost have the 3rd quarter with an anguishing 14-play drive, but stalled at the Cretin 15 with three straight incomplete passes, then chipped in the 32-yard FG to make it 9-12. The kicker was Gil O'Teen, who later won the Demetrius Award as DeSade's QB, and Cretin's K at this time was Ray Pist, who would become their great WR. Cretin was forced to punt again and shanked it badly, putting the Leathermen just 19 yards away after a return. But again, the Asses forced 3 straight incompletions, and the Leathermen ticked another FG to make it 12-12. Then in the 4th, DeSade got a 61-yard drive, capped by a 24-yard pass from Sinister to WR Nestor Vipers. This EP was good and it was 19-12. The Asses fired right back, going 88 yards in 8 plays, the last 2 a 22-yard pass from QB Mike Hunt to WR Roy El Pain and the 21-yard TD to TE Owen Detts. Under 3 minutes to go. They set up for a 2-point try for the win. Hunt's pass to (then) WR Marky DeSade was broken up. The Leathermen were left with the one-point lead. Cretin tried an onsides kick, but DeSade recovered. They would drive to the Cretin 16-yard line in using the rest of the clock. Screw rushed for 117 yards and a TD; Vipers had 8 catches for 90 yards and a TD. Faq-Yusef had 121 yards and a TD rushing; Detts 73 and a TD receiving.

Bunyan 16, HPEMC 13

November 9
#5 Heroes of Polar Exploration Memorial were on top of the Clan with no conference losses when #13 Bunyan knocked them off, just as HPEMC had done Cavalry. The Lumberjacks passed for only 62 yards in this game, but got 88 yards rushing from star RB Igor Beaver and 109 from RB Sandy Claws, and allowed the Sled Dogs into the end zone only once. After Bunyan shut HPEMC out in the 1st half, and led 6-0 on a pair of Orson Beanbag FGs, got that TD drive to start the 3rd quarter, 11 plays to a 10-yard pass, on 4th down, from QB William Dakonkrer to WR Spencer Count. The Lumberjacks replied with another FG that started a 3-score streak by both teams into the 4th. The Sled Dogs got a FG, then Bunyan got their TD on an 8-play drive, that featured runs of 36 and 25 yards by Claws, 16 by Beaver, and ended with a 9-yard pass to Beaver from QB Brad Shoulders, for a 16-10 lead. The Sled Dogs drove to the Bunyan 27, but turned it over on downs, then blocked a punt and dove again to the 27. This time they had K Saul Eigott kick a 44-yard FG, then they tried an onsides kick. The Lumberjacks recovered, and WR Mark Down had a 34-yard run on a reverse to cinch field position, the clock and the win. For HPEMC, Dakonkrer had 210 yards and a TD passing; RB Nate Sense had 95 yards rushing, 44 receiving; and WR Stan Byer-Mann had 84 yards receiving.

Galactic Soup Bowl (championship): Puke 7, Lady Warship 3

December 21
Special mention should be made for the lowest scoring championship game of all. In the regular season, Puke beat Lady Warship 34-0. The Fighting Seamen finished 3rd in the Non-Conference and got a wildcard ticket to the Western side, where they put together a streak of upsets, including another low-scoring affair, 7-6 over Birddrops in the Dust Bowl, to get to the final. The Mess was just as dominating defensively again, allowing only 92 yards passing (with 2 interceptions) and 126 rushing, but Lady Warship stayed in this one by holding Puke down, too, at least in scoring. K Wynott Sneeze missed 3 FG attempts, 2 in the first quarter, then Puke scored the game's only TD at the beginning of the 2nd on a 60-yard drive in 5 plays, a 7-yard pass from QB Tab Lloyd to WR Lou Swait the capper. The Fighting Seamen FG came on the first play of the 4th quarter, after a drive from their own 8 that included runs of 17 and 16 yards by RB Buster Hymen, and 23 yards by QB Yves Ho. Despite the suspense, Puke didn't let Lady Warship into FG range the rest of the 4th. It was the 4th championship for Puke, surpassing Kootsville Tech and Whooperville A&M at the time, their first after the back-to-back of the Lance Boils era. And Tab Lloyd brought them another Demetrius Award, as well. He threw for 281 yards and the lone TD, here. RB Buster Gutt had 32 yards rushing, but 112 receiving, and WR Luke St. Everything had 93 yards receiving. Hymen, who would be the next Demetrius winner, had 70 yards rushing.

Bunyan 23, Kootsville Tech 25

September 2
Opening day 1995 was especially dramatic. There were four games featuring both ranked opponents and the highest ranking one, where #6 State Pen escaped #11 HPEMC 16-13, was upstaged by the others. Here, #19 Bunyan gave #4 Kootsville Tech a big scare, and this was a showdown of backfields: Bunyan RB Igor Beaver had 178 yards rushing, RB Sandy Claws 76; Kootsville Tech RB Walker Runn 114, RB Rip Snorten 75. The Spitters led 7-6 by halftime, and the Lumberjacks only got a 3rd FG to start the 3rd quarter. But then the latter scored 2 TDs on either side of a Kootsville field goal, both on short runs by QB Weldon Myson, to lead 23-10 in the 4th. Then Kootsville blocked a punt to set them up at the Bunyan 15, and 3 plays later scored on a 1-yard pass from QB Tex Alkeinz to WR Wynn Everett Rains. When the snap for the extra point was flubbed, Alkeinz improvised and threw to WR Artemis Better in the end zone for 2 points, to make it 18-23. A Lumberjack penalty helped stall their next drive, and the Spitters got the ball back on their own 28 with about 5 minutes to go. They drove the distance in 7 plays, Alkeinz running himself 27 yards to the 2, then scoring from there on the next play.

Brimstone 27, UFO 34

September 2
U. of Foreign Outposts, ranked #12, with their rushing attack of RBs Wong Wei (119 yards, TD) and Will Travel (77 yards), came in to upset the passing offense of QB Merle Fiber and #9 Brimstone. The lead changed 7 times. After they traded long TD drives in the first quarter, UFO went up 17-7 on an 11-yard TD run by Wei and a 28-yard Lee Kittysplit FG, then Fiber struck with a 49-yard TD pass to WR Jacques Tactic. Tactic would finish with 123 yards receiving on 7 catches. UFO added another FG and led 20-14 at half. The Hellfires struck back to start the 3rd, a 5-play drive with a 29-yard run by RB Will DeBiest that led to a 6-yard TD pass to TE Kanin Abel to go ahead 21-20. After the Aliens took the lead back, 27-21, on a 5-yard TD pass from QB Harry Krishna to WR Apollo Liftov following a badly botched Brimstone punt, the Hellfires took two long drives to a couple of Luke Filthy FGs to tie it at 27 in the 4th. Then UFO went on a 10-play drive, with two incomplete passes, and the rest of the plays rushing, until a 4-yard pass for the TD to TE Able Willingham Ready. The Aliens held off Brimstone for three more plays for the win.

Northwestsoutheastern 21, Bleeding Heart 28

September 2
Bleeding Heart was ranked #18 when they came into #5 and defending SCAB champion Northwestsoutheastern and raised the specter of the famous 1988 Eastern Semi. After that landmark game, the Doves won another semi over Nwse in 89. Then beginning in 1991, the Fighting Pacifists won four straight regular season meetings between these teams. While Bleeding Heart QB Hugo First didn't bomb Nwse quite the way Andy Christ did in 1988, he did have a passing duel with Nwse's Virgil Reality, throwing for 258 yards and 3 TDs to the latter's 302 yards and a TD. After the Pacifists intercepted First on the first possession, there were four straight scores, 3 FGs and a 23-yard TD run by Nwse RB Harley Quinn, for a 10-6 Nwse lead. In the 2nd quarter, the Doves picked off Reality at the Nwse 23 and scored 2 plays later on a 19-yard pass to RB Grant Money, for a 13-10 halftime lead. The Doves scored again off an interception in the 3rd quarter, with a 7-play drive to an 8-yard TD pass to TE Ben Evelant. The Pacifists replied with a FG, then it wasn't till the 4th quarter that they scored again, but this time to take the lead back. After recovering a fumble, they drove 4 plays, then Reality and TE Wayne Wacks connected on a 41-yard pass play to the Dove 14, where Reality threw to WR Luke St. Everything for the TD. St. Everything ran in for 2 points and Nwse's 21-20 lead. Bleeding Heart responded with an 11-play, 72-yard drive, capped by a 9-yard pass to WR Les Bifrenz. The Doves got their own 2-point play on a run by RB Saul Wright. Bifrenz had 149 yards receiving, Wright 85 rushing. Nwse's St. Everything had 90 receiving; WR Sam Diffrens 104; RB Nick Romancer 89 rushing.

Axlegrease Tech 26, Bunyan 23

September 9
#16 Bunyan came to #9 Axlegrease Tech and took charge 20-6 by halftime. QB Weldon Myson scored on a 4-yard run in the 1st quarter, then threw 2 yards for a TD to WR Sandy Claws in the 2nd after the Lumberjacks intercepted Tarface QB Ken Dew. But to start the 2nd half, Axlegrease forced a punt, set up on their own 48, and scored in 3 plays, Dew covering the last 34 yards on a pass to WR Mel Function. Bunyan K Orson Beanbag missed FG attempts of 49 and 52 yards, on either side of a Tarface drive with Function catches of 20 and 10 yards leading to a 47-yard K Lincoln Continental FG. In the 4th, Dew drove Axlegrease 49 yards in 8 plays and scored with a 2-yard pass to WR Jerry Picker for 23-20 lead. The Lumberjacks responded with a 43-yard run by RB Igor Beaver, setting up a 53-yard Beanbag attempt that he made this time to tie the game. The Tarfaces went right back, from their own 20 in 10 plays, to another Continental FG, of 23 yards, to take the lead again. Myson was picked off on the next series, but Tarface TE Bud Hinges fumbled right back to the Lumberjacks on the next play. Bunyan drove to the Axlegrease 33, but after a 6-yard run by Beaver on 4th down, failed to set up for the field goal before the clock ran out. Dew passed for 299 yards, Function had 12 catches for 158 yards. Claws rushed for 81 yards, Beaver 79, and Bunyan WR Buzz Saw caught 9 for 132 yards.

PU 28, Old Diehard 31

September 9
Despite the good passers and passing offenses, this was a RB duel. #17 PU hosted #13 Old Diehard and the latter scored 3 TDs in the 1st quarter and led 28-7 at half. But the Skunks shut down the Codgers in the 2nd half and put on a rally, getting the only score of the 3rd on a 27-yard pass from QB Colin Card to RB Purdy Flowers. On the 1st play of the 4th, Card threw to TE Bud Crack 26 yards for a TD, but then failed on a pass for a 2-point attempt. The Codgers got a 39-yard FG from K Jerry Atrix, then the teams traded punts twice, before the Skunks drove to a TD, a 7-yard pass to WR Spitz Venom. Flowers this time ran in for the 2-point conversion to bring PU within 3. But the Skunks didn't try an onsides kick, and Old Diehard was able to get first down and run out the clock. Flowers rushed for 107 yards and had 30 and a TD receiving. Old Diehard RB Chip Block rushed for 122 yards.

Old Diehard 21, Lady Warship 27

October 7
Old Diehard was up to #9 when #14 Lady Warship came calling with their dynamic duo of freshman RBs Buster Hymen and Torpedo Lovecraft. The Fighting Seamen had been knocked out of the top 10 by Bleeding Heart, but with this game would claim their place behind Non-Conference powers Our Lady and Puke. The Codgers scored first in the 1st after picking off Lady Warship QB Yves Ho. Old Diehard QB Hardy Tack covered the 48 yards in 2 passes to RB Winnie Kums, of 22 yards and 26 for the TD. The Fighting Seamen took over in the 2nd, scoring on a couple of short runs by Hymen, and led 14-7 at half. They drove to a 21-yard field goal by K Barry Kuda to start the 3rd, then the Codgers got another TD reception by Kums, of 5 yards, set up by a 37-yard run by RB Chip Block (14-17). Just before the end of the quarter, Old Diehard regained the lead on a botched 4th down play by Lady Warship, Tack scrambling for 12 yards then throwing 11 to WR Juan Annatua for the TD (21-17). The Seamen answered with a 39-yard field goal to start the 4th (21-20). With about 8 mins remaining, Lady Warship went on a march of 72 yards and 15 plays, capped by a 4-yard pass to Lovecraft to turn it around again (21-27), and leaving the Codgers less than 2 mins. Old Diehard actually got to the Lady Warship 34 in 4 plays, but that's where it ended. Hymen rushed for 101 yards total, Lovecraft for 88. Block had 65, Kums 32 but 62 yards receiving

UFO 26, HPEMC 24

October 28
Unranked University of Foreign Outposts' upset of #5 Heroes of Polar Exploration Memorial College may seem like the usual Clan curse only after the first decades of the 21st century, where it became the norm that the conference winner would not sweep. The 90s was the decade in which the Sled Dogs took utter control of the 10 Clan and rarely lost a conference game. They had won the SCAB championship in 1993 and were heading for another Eucalyptus Leaf Bowl, in the middle of a 6-year run. And although this game lifted the Aliens to 3rd in the conference, they would lose their last 2 games of the season by the same score, 21-20, to fall out of any hope for the tournament. But the wild finish also made this game even more singular.
      UFO served notice, posting a 14-10 halftime lead, then extending it with a FG in the 3rd quarter. Heavily favored HPEMC then tied it with a quick drive to a 29-yard TD pass from QB Nate Sense to WR Fred Baer (17-17). It remained deadlocked until the bizarre sequence to finish the game. First the Aliens seemed to give the game away when they shanked a punt from their own 16-yard line and Sled Dog RB William Dakonkrer scored from 14 yards on the next play (17-24). But on the next series, UFO RB Wong Wei ran 41 yards to the HPEMC 24, then QB Harry Krishna threw from there to the end zone to WR Abel Willingham Ready. But his pass on a 2-point attempt was incomplete, and the Aliens again appeared to give the game away (23-24). With about 4 mins left, HPEMC were trying to keep possession to at least run out the clock, and while Sense completed daring passes of 10 and 11 yards to pick up first downs, he then incredibly fumbled the ball on a 6-yard run, setting the Aliens up at the Sled Dog 45. UFO RB Will Travel ran 15 yards on the next play, Wei got 5 more on 2 more plays, and they set up for a 38-yard field goal try. Lee Kittysplit, already All-Clan and one of the greatest Clan kickers even later in his LAF career, made it, leaving less than a minute. HPEMC burnt time with a kick return and could run only 2 plays, and fell to the Aliens.
      Wei rushed for 66 yards and had 35 receiving, Travel rushed for 72 yards. Sense managed only 204 yards passing to his star-studded corps: TE Spencer Count held without a catch; WR Stan Byer-Mann only 5 catches for 53 yards; Baer 8 catches for 105 yards.

DeSade S&M 14, Northwestsoutheastern 16

November 18
#4 Northwestsoutheastern, defending SCAB champions, had opened the season with a thriller upset loss (see above). It would prove to be their only loss, but it would come down to the wire of their last game to decide that. That turned out to be the showdown for the 10 Pack conference crown with #5 DeSade S&M. The Leathermen made their bid to ascend as the new Pack power, but the Fighting Pacifists as abruptly postponed that for a few more years. Despite plenty of firepower, the game turned into a defensive struggle, Nwse leading 3-0 at half. They saved it for the end. The teams traded TDs in the 3rd quarter, then on the first play of the 4th, the Fighting Pacifists got a 30-yard FG by K Archie Nemmy to extend the lead to 13-7. Midway through the quarter, Nwse punted from their own 48. The blocked punt set DeSade up at the Nwse 49. QB Ben Sinister connected with WR Jacques Therapy on a 29-yard pass, then again for 12 to the 5. Two plays later, he threw for a 1-yard TD to WR Marky DeSade. The Leathermen had the lead for the first time, 14-13, with about six minutes remaining. After getting sacked on the first play of the next possession, Nwse QB Virgil Reality, who won the Demetrius Award in 1993, ran 29 yards, then threw for 16 yards to RB Harley Quinn. The Pacifists got to the DeSade 7, where they held, but Nemmy came on for the 24-yard chip shot. It was good and Nwse was back on top, though still sweating it. Leathermen RB Drew Blood ran for 8 yards, then on 4th down appeared to be headed for a first down, when the ball was knocked loose. The Leathermen recovered, but 6 yards back. Nwse escaped. DeSade RB Kirk Screw rushed for 100 yards, Blood for 50 with 32 yards and a TD receiving. Reality passed for 248 yards and a TD, and ran for 45 yards. Nwse RB Nick Romancer was held to just 39 yards rushing, but that wouldn't stop him from winning the Demetrius Award the following week.

Beanfest Bowl: Cavalry 34, Lady Warship 31

November 25
Despite finishing as the Clan runner-up, #12 Cavalry was ranked below #11 Lady Warship, 3rd-place finisher in the Non-Conference. The host Galloping Ghosts were also an underdog. But they pulled off the surprising win in a shootout, the 2nd-highest scoring game of the tournament, matching the dangerous backfield of the Fighting Seamen and adding a more dangerous passing game. Cavalry struck first, taking advantage of a botched punt on the first series to score on a 2-yard pass from QB Horace Shuse to WR Willy Nilly (7-0). Lady Warship evened it on a drive where RB Buster Hymen ran for 29 yards and completed a 30-yard pass play from QB Yves Ho. Ho threw 6 yards to TE Keil Hall for the TD (7-7). On the next possession, the Galloping Ghosts ran 6 straight running plays, then Shuse threw 31 yards to WR Ben DeRiver. RB Horace Feathers ran it in from 3 yards (14-7). The Seamen answered with an 18-yard run by Hymen, and a 32-yard pass to Hall on the way to a 39-yard FG by K Barry Kuda (14-10). The Cavalry drove 74 yards in 12 plays, into the 2nd quarter, finishing with a 20-yard TD pass to DeRiver (21-10). After forcing a punt, they returned the favor at the start of the game by botching their own 4th down punt play, setting up the Seamen on the 22. After an incomplete pass, RB Torpedo Lovecraft covered the 22 yards for the score (21-17). Lady Warship then forced a punt and drove to the Cavalry 3, but chose the FG try on 4th, Kuda making it (21-20). Cavalry drove to the Seamen 36 before the half ended, already a thriller.
      The Ghosts picked up were they left off, taking the 2nd-half kickoff and 11 plays to drive to a 40-yard field goal by K John Darme, to cushion the lead (24-20). They forced a punt, but Lady Warship pinned them on their own 1-yard line. So they took 12 plays to get to another FG, a 45-yarder, and push the lead to a TD (27-20). Lady Warship started at their own 13 after the kickoff and took 10 plays to go the distance. This time 8 of the plays were passes, all complete, Ho brilliantly picking apart the Ghosts. The two rushes were a 1-yarder by star RB Buster Hymen, and a 10-yarder by Ho himself for the TD. Ho then threw to WR Gay Sailor for the 2-point conversion to give the Fighting Seamen their first lead (27-28), 3 plays into the 4th quarter. After trading possession, Cavalry turning over on downs, Lady Warship shanking another punt, the Ghosts started at their own 46. Two plays later Feathers ran 24 yards to the Lady Warship 18. Four plays after that, Shuse ran it in from the 4 (34-28). Sailor had a 19-yard catch to the Cavalry 36 on the next series, but then the Ghosts forced 3 straight incomplete passes from Ho. Kuda came on to try a 53-yard FG, and made it (34-31). The Fighting Seamen forced a 3-and-out, and Lovecraft returned the punt 25 yards to the Cavalry 45. A long pass attempt failed, then a dump-off pass to Hymen covered only 3 yards and ran out the clock. The Cavalry advanced, Lady Warship was out.
      DeRiver had 10 catches for 130 yards and a TD, the bulk of Shuse's 260 yards passing. Cavalry RBs Horst Manure and Feathers rushed for 81 yards and 61 and a TD, respectively; while Lady Warship's star RBs Hymen and Lovecraft had 55 and 62 and a TD, though Hymen also had 5 catches for 58 yards.

Fish Bowl: Puke 27, DeSade S&M 31

December 2
As thrilling as that game was in the first round, it was topped by this one in the major bowl round the following week, on league significance alone matching #1 Puke against #4 DeSade, but with more lead changes and drama in the last quarter and minutes. Puke had upset Our Lady on the last week of the season to take over the #1 spot, and DeSade had narrowly missed their shot at Northwestsoutheastern (see above). This time the Leathermen would complete their bid and it would also advance them past their conference foes, as Our Lady beat Nwse, completing the set in the east of runners-up beating the conference champs to advance to the semis. The game would also feature big performances from more players
      It began inauspiciously, with three-and-outs and punts. DeSade then got the favor, a shanked punt from Puke, and scored on a 4-yard pass from QB Ben Sinister to WR Jacques Therapy (0-7). Puke appeared to be striking right back, a 39-yard pass from QB Tab Lloyd to WR Luke St. Everything jumping the drive to the DeSade 27. RB Lordell Pus carried 15 yards to the 12, but on the next play, Lloyd was intercepted. It wasn't till midway through the 2nd quarter that, after St. Everything returned a punt 39 yards, he finished the drive with a 24-yard TD catch (7-7). The Leathermen followed with a long drive that ended with an interception at the Puke 1-yard line, but they picked off Lloyd again on the next play, only to get a 26-yard FG from All-SCAB K Franco File from it (7-10). That's how it ended at half, only to get hotter. From here, the lead would change with every score.
      The Leathermen punted after 3 on the opening drive of the 3rd. Puke blitzed to a score in 6 plays, including a 16-yard run by Pus, a 12-yard catch and a 12-yard run by St. Everything, and a 23-yard pass to Pus for the TD (14-10). DeSade kicked it up a gear, too, going 71 yards in 9 plays, the last 3 a 15-yard pass to Therapy, a 16-yard run by RB Drew Blood, a 12-yard run by RB Kirk Screw for the TD (14-17). The teams traded punts, then Puke scored on a 4-yard run by Pus, set up by an 18-yard pass to St. Everything (21-17). The Leathermen struck right back, zipping 88 yards in 7 plays into the 4th quarter. Screw had runs of 17, 18 and 19 on the drive. Sinister threw 3 yards to WR Marky DeSade for the score (21-24). Puke topped that: 80 yards in 5 plays, all complete passes, the last 2 a 23-yarder to RB Buster Gutt and a 21-yarder to St. Everything. But they missed the extra point attempt (27-24). After another trade of punts, DeSade set up on their own 38. Blood broke an electrifying 35-yard run around end then zig-zagging back across field. Three players later, Sinister connected with Therapy for the 27 yards to the TD (27-31). Puke would get another first down on a 12-pass to St. Everything, but fail to pick up another.
      Both DeSade RBs topped 100, Screw rushing for 134 and a TD, Blood for 133. While Sinister only threw for 121 yards, Therapy had 98 of that and 2 TDs on 8 catches. Puke's St. Everything had 10 catches for 155 yards and 2 catches, helping Lloyd to his 21/29 passes for 293 yards and 3 TDs.

Galactic Soup Bowl (championship): Our Lady 23, Kootsville Tech 21

December 16
The losers of the previous two championship games are the teams that came out of the 1995 scramble, with #5 Kootsville Tech once again topping the west and #3 Our Lady completing a turnabout in the east that saw them take over DeSade S&M's spot at the top of the poll, get upset by Puke on the last day of the season, knock off defending SCAB champs Northwestsoutheastern in the Punch Bowl, then slam DeSade S&M who had overturned #1 Puke in the Fish Bowl. Those 4 eastern teams were ranked 1-4 in the final I.P. poll. In 1994, the Spitters had returned to the championship for the first time since 1985, only to lose a close defensive game to Nwse. Our Lady had lost the longest SCAB game ever in the 1993 championship, nearly an extra half of overtime, to Heroes of Polar Exploration, the first attempt for either. The Johns, historically a passing power, came in with their dyamite backfield of Tim Tasian and Rex Holmes and beat traditional rushing power Kootsville at their own game. Tasian rushed for 125 yards, and Holmes for 71. Walker Run led the Spitters with 95 yards and a TD rushing, and Rip Snorten added 56, and QB Tex Alkeinz rushed for 52. Our Lady Ken Doll passed for only 195 yards, but WR Les Dance had 106 of it and a TD on 9 catches. Johns K Kendall Abra was good on all three field goal attempts, including a 54-yarder and 55-yarder that was the winner.
      After Abra's 54-yard FG opened scoring in the first quarter [3-0], the Spitters scored TDs on 2 straight possessions into the 2nd quarter, Runn setting up the first with a 46-yard run, then scoring himself from 7 [3-7], and the 2nd a 16-yard pass from Alkeinz to WR Phil Better [3-14]. Our Lady got a short field to go just 38 yards in 5 plays, QB Ken Doll throwing 2 yards to WR Les Dance, to make it 10-14 where it stood at half. The Johns then took the first possession of the 3rd quarter to a 41-yard Abra FG [13-14]. But Kootsville went right back, 80 yards in 9 plays, scoring on another pass of 5 yards to Better [13-21]. The Johns went 51 yards in 9 plays and scored on a 7-yard pass to TE Mead Grinder [20-21]. After forcing a three-and-out, Our Lady then drove from their own 16 to the Kootsville 38, where Abra then made his 55-yarder on just the 3rd play of the 4th quarter for their first lead in the game and what proved the final score. The Spitters missed their own 51-yard FG attempt, and after a 51-yard pass to Dance, Doll was picked off in the Kootsville end zone. The Spitters turned the ball over on downs at the Our Lady 41, and then the teams traded punts. On the last play of the game, Kootsville blocked an Our Lady punt but the scramble for the ball ended with their recovery, but downed, and time expired on the Our Lady 34.

Our Lady 24, HPEMC 28

September 17
The defending champs ranked #3 came into #5 Our Lady's house, and the rematch of the championship (1993, see below) produced a strikingly similar game and result, a shootout with 5 lead changes won by the Sled Dogs. But instead of overtime and the longest game in SCAB history, the scoring ended in the 3rd quarter, and the 4th quarter, in that respect anti-climactic, was the drama of whether that score would change. HPEMC built up a 14-3 lead in the first quarter, with QB Vinnie Vidivici striking for TDs of 19 yards to TE Spencer Count and 16 to RB Dwight Waye, both freshmen. But the Johns returned the favor in the 2nd, igniting their rally with a 45-yard strike from QB Ken Doll to RB Rex Holmes. After forcing a punt, they scored again on a 6-yard pass to WR Les Dance, the big play of the drive a 24-yard run by RB Tim Tasian. They led at half 17-14. Three straight scores produced as many lead changes in the 3rd, with Vidivici running it in from 3 yards and 26 yards, and in between Holmes scoring from 3 after another Tasian run of 32 started the drive. From there, it turned into a desperate defensive struggle for the rest of the 3rd and all through the 4th, the teams trading punts until the last 2 possessions of the game. Then the Sled Dogs' Saul Eigott missed a 45-yard field goal, and for the nailbiter finish, the Johns drove to the HPEMC 23, where then Doll failed on two pass attempts, the last with time expired. Vidivici passed for 323 yards and 2 TDs, and ran for 35 and 2; RB Boot Walken rushed for 82 yards; Count had 97 receiving. Doll passed for 283 and 2 TDs; Tasian rushed for 86 yards; and F Kenny Lingis had 104 yards receiving.

Grandma Jones 24, Brimstone 22

September 24
Little 10 conference play opened with crucial matchups for teams jockying for position. While 12th ranked Birddrops struggled to stay ahead of unranked Moonshine St (they prevailed 30-21), and #7 Kootsville Tech and #8 State Pen fell into an excruciating defensive drama (finally won by the former 10-7 on a fumble that set up a 5-yard TD run), #14 Grandma Jones hosting #11 Brimstone produced the thriller of the day. The latter struck first, with the Hellfires scoring on a 5-yard TD run by RB Albee Dam, then a 45-yard field goal by K B.L. Zbub. The Bisqueaters' rally started at the end of the 1st quarter, with QB Babe Nipple hitting RB Vance Sales for a 10-yard TD pass, then on their next possession, Nipple running it himself from a yard. But they missed the extra point, and when Brimstone scored next, on a 37-yard Zbub field goal, it was tied 13-13 in the 2nd. Grandma would take the lead again just before half, on a Nipple pass of 22 yards to WR Marion Type, and this time run it in himself for the 2 points. [21-13] After a big goal-line stand by the Bisqueaters in the 3rd, the teams traded field goals [24-16], then struggled through the 4th. It came down to the wire, with Hellfire QB Merle Fiber leading a long drive and finnishing it with a 4-yard TD pass to TE Kanin Abel. Then, with less than a minute to go, Brimstone set up for the 2-point attempt to tie the game. The Bisqueaters didn't bite on the play action, knocking the pass down in the end zone and preserving their lead to get the win. It would be the start of a 3-game skid for Brimstone, but they would return to make more season hightlights.

Brimstone 46, PU 35

November 5
After that loss (above), Brimstone sunk and PU rose, to the top of the conference by October 22, two weeks before this encounter. The Skunks got their first conference loss to Birddrops the week before this, but still came to #18 Brimstone's home ranked #9. The high-scoring affair was even more unlikely than the era from these teams, but also because it started like a Hellfire rout. They scored 4 times without answer, opening up a 25-0 lead (with a 2-point conversion improvised on their first TD after a botched snap on the kick try). PU responded with 3 unanswered TDs of their own, 2 before the end of the half, and a 35-7 run into the 4th quarter. In particular it was QB Spitz Venom, running for one TD, and hooking up with sophomore TE Bud Crack for 2 more, as well as another to RB Purdy Flowers. The Skunks finally took the lead 35-32 when they scored that last at the beginning of the 4th quarter. But the Hellfires would turn it around again, when their TE Kanin Abel, who ended up being All-SCAB for the season, scored on a pass from QB Merle Fiber following an interception, and then put it away with yet another score, Fiber's 3rd TD run of the day.

UPRNY 27, Puke 28

November 19
The Sharks were unranked when #7 Puke came to town on the final week of the regular season, the latter two years removed from their double championship run, trying to get back to league title contention, and chasing their chief rival Our Lady of the Evening for the conference. On this same day, #9 Old Diehard would upset #5 Our Lady, and UPRNY very nearly did the same to the Mess. While Puke would've made the tournament even if they'd lost, it's still a dramatic contrast to see how they escaped this challenge after the part they would play in the stunning knock-off of #1 DeSade S&M they would bring off in the Punch Bowl, making the semis before in turn losing to Northwestsoutheastern. Here, the Sharks jumped out to a 14-0 lead on their first 2 drives, stunning Puke with the first blows. The Mess flipped it with a 3-TD, 2nd quarter rally, and seemed to take charge. QB Tab Lloyd threw TD passes to WR Lou Swait and RB Lordell Pus, and the latter scored on a run in between. But UPRNY opened scoring in the 2nd half, and Puke had to answer to regain the lead, 28-21. The Sharks tightened the suspense by dominating the 4th quarter, failing to get anything out of two long drives, but taking it to the wire with a last-minute TD, then setting up for the 2-point attempt to win. The Mess stopped star RB Carlo DeChix short of the goal line for the win. DeChix had scored the setup TD as well as one in the 1st quarter, and freshman WR Candy DeSpencer had the 2 other TDs on passes from QB Nick O'Teen.

Western Semi: HPEMC 18, Kootsville Tech 19

December 10
For significance and drama, you can't make it much closer than this. The #3 Spitters had already survived a nailbiter with #4 Little Bighorn in the Dust Bowl, and now faced #2 HPEMC, defending champs a step away from a return to the final. For the Spitters, it was a bid for their return to the final since 1982. Had the first league powerhouse truly returned? Were they really up to the level of the most recent champs? After forcing a Kootsville punt after 3 plays, the Sled Dogs drove 76 yards in 11 plays, scoring on a 4-yard pass from QB Vinnie Vidivici to TE Spencer Count. The teams traded punts and the Spitters evened it with a 5-yard run by QB Tex Alkeinz, who also completed passes of 21, 19 and 17 yards on the drive. Kootsville then hogged the 2nd quarter with long drives, adding 2 FGs by K Stig Mupp to extend the lead, 13-7. After trading punts again to start the 3rd, Vidivici connected with F Johann Diskold for 42 yards, then scored on the next play with an 11-yard pass to RB Dwight Waye. On the extra point try, Vidivici took the snap, then stood up and took off, but tossed to Waye again in the end zone for 2 points, and a 15-13 lead. Did something go wrong or did they call the play? Why would they risk not taking the lead for only a 2-point lead? Vidivici later claimed he couldn't get the ball set properly, though no one noticed the trouble. The Spitters got another Mupp FG, of 48 yards, on the last play of the 3rd quarter to go back up 16-15. And it would come down to the positively grueling end of the game. HPEMC would start on their own 17-yard line at almost exactly the midway point of the quarter and consume the bulk of the remaing time with a 16-yard march to the Kootsville 13. After runs of 0 and -1, and an incomplete pass, K Saul Eigott made a 30-yard FG to make it 18-16. With 1:20 remaining, but all their timeouts, the Spitters started at their 28 after the kickoff return. On 4th down and 1 at the 37, Alkeinz hit All-SCAB WR Wynn Everett Rains for a 29-yard gain to the Sled Dog 34. They immediately set up for the 51-yard FG attempt. And then HPEMC jumped offsides! Take 5 yards off and 46 wasn't as daunting. Mupp hits it, and the Spitters win with the strange score and return to the championship instead of HPEMC.

Kootsville 26, South Paw 28

September 11
The Spitters were ranked 9th and the Lefties 20th when the latter visited the second week of the season coming off a 51-3 loss to DeSade S&M, who were 9th at the time. Nobody expected anything from this South Paw roster that looked even worse than unimpressive in their opener. And the heavily favored Spitters began as expected, scoring on their first two drives with TD passes from QB Tex Alkeinz to WRs Wynn Everett Rains and Artemis Better. Kootsville would lead at half, 20-7, having missed a fateful extra point. The Lefties, however, would make the Spitters one of two grand upsets over illustrious programs in the season, and this one not even the biggest (see October 30 below), when they would take control with 21 unanswered points in the 2nd half. [20-28] All South Paw TDs where passes from QB Nick Name, two, including one in the first half, to TE Scott Abimi, and others to WRs Stephen Even and Jacob Slatter. When Kootsville scored late in the game, a second rushing TD from RB Doyle Derrick, they had to go for two points just to tie. Their attempt, with a pass, failed, leaving South Paw winners.

Bigfoot 28, Puke 35

September 18
Two-time defending champion Puke began life without QB Lance Boils and several other members of the dynasty team by extending their 30-game winning streak two more into 1993, with comfortable wins over Dunne-Geep and even #18 Birddrops. They were up to #6 when they went to Bigfoot, who were supposed to be their easiest opponent. What they got was a shootout with the Trackers striking first, and forcing them to score a late TD to escape with a win. Bigfoot QB Burt Watcher threw to TE Lindsay Woolsy for a 23-yard TD on the opening drive. The Mess struck right back with a quick drive and a 45-yard TD pass play from freshman QB Tab Lloyd to freshman WR Luke St. Everything, two of the top recruits they had reloaded with. In the 2nd quarter, Lloyd threw another TD pass to senior WR Gene Jacket, of 17 yards to cap another impressive drive. It looked like they were in control, but it turned out to be the only 2-score swing. The Trackers got another drive also capped by Watcher to Woolsey. Puke scored just before half on a 12-yard TD run by RB Lowell DeBoom. [14-21] But Bigfoot replied to start the 2nd half with a TD pass to WR Burt Dawg. The Mess took the lead again when Lloyd capped a long drive with a QB keeper, but Bigfoot came right back, Watcher passing to WR Mark Turtle for the score. [28-28] It wasn until late in the 4th quarter, with less than 3 minutes remaining, that Puke scored again, on another pass to Jacket, then held on to win, though the Trackers drove into their half of the field and turned the ball over on downs. None of Puke's games with bigger foes in conference play or in the tournament would match this, againt a Bigfoot team that would finished 6-6 and was not ranked all season.

Brimstone 17, Grandma Jones 20

September 25
At the opening of conference play, Brimstone had tied #3 Little Bighorn and then won their next two to rise up to #4 in the league and the top of the Little 10 with undefeated and untied PU. Grandma Jones came in unranked and not expected to be much trouble. The Hellfires scored first on a TD run by RB Albee Dam, but the Bisqueateaters responded with a TD pass from QB Babe Nipple to TE Ewen Yorn, held off Brimstone, then scored next in the 2nd quarter, Nipple himself running it in. The Hellfires would score before half, on a TD pass from QB Merle Fiber to star WR Ringo Fire, but were only tied at that point. The teams traded FGs in the 3rd, Grandma continuing to thwart their supposedly superior opponent. And it turned into more of a defensive struggle into the 4th, until literally the last minute. Nipple broke on a scramble that set the Bisquiteaters up for a 40-yard FG with 43 seconds left. K Murpy Bed hit it, Grandma held off the Hellfires on their last couple of plays, and had the stunning upset. After their trajectories reversed for a few weeks, they would do so again. Brimstone would go on to win the Little 10 and Grandma drop to the bottom half of the conference, which only made this game more notable.

South Paw 14, Puke 10

October 30
Although it didn't quite fill the bill as a great game in other ways, and in fact South Paw had a more thrilling upset of Kootsville Tech (see September 11 above), this game was more significant because it was the end of Puke's record winning streak. The Mess, coming off successive undefeated and national championship seasons, had won their 38th straight game the week before. The veterans of that run, plus a set of star recruits led by QB Tab Lloyd and F Luke St. Everything, had kept the streak going, but the Lefties were as inexplicably good on defense as they had been on offense against Kootsville, shutting down the talented Mess. Puke's TD in the 1st quarter, by RB Lordell Pus, would be their only one. South Paw scored on short runs to cap drives, by QB Nick Name and RB Vern Acular, and allowed only a field goal, by Puke K Bull Emia, in the 2nd half. It was the first regular-season loss by Puke since 1989, 49 straight.

Mountain Valey 17, HPEMC 16

November 13
When these conference foes met on the 2nd to last week of the season, host Mountain Valley was #19, and visiting Heroes of Polar Exploration Memorial College was #4. Since 1989, when Mountain Valley won the league championship, the Sled Dogs had risen to power and broken through the Mountain Valley and Bunyan hold on the conference. HPEMC had alternated with the Choirboys as conference champs since 89, and appeared headed for their next turn (and nobody knew at this time they were headed for a league championship). But the veteran school said not so fast to the Sled Dog rise. The Sled Dogs scored first with a FG, but Mountain Valley got a TD on a run by senior RB Paddy O'Furniture. After failing on one long drive in the 2nd quarter, the Sled Dogs finally scored, on a TD pass from QB Vinnie Vidivici to TE Colin Northside to take the lead at half 10-7. But the Choirboys scored the only points of the 3rd, a FG, and then O'Furniture got another TD run in the 4th to cap a long drive to turn it around, 17-10. It came down to a grueling tug-of-war drive, with the last minutes running out, HPEMC finally punching it into the end zone with a run by RB Evan Elpes with 17 seconds left. Then they set up for a 2-point attempt. Mountain Valley stopped RB Boots Walken short of the goal line for the win. The result dropped the Choirboys below Little Bighorn in the conference race and league rankings, but it set up the for the next week, and the next game on this list.

HPEMC 31, Little Bighorn 24

November 20
After the stunner that seemed to derail Heroes of Polar Exploration, the door was opened for another team to take over the conference (what is now the 10 Clan then called the Valley 10): Little Bighorn. The Ambushers came in undefeated (they had one tie) and ranked #3, while the Sled Dogs had dropped to #7. The game was remarkable because it was not close for three quarters. It was not the higher ranked Little Bighorn, but HPEMC that emphatically dominated. They scored on their first two possessions, quickly and sharply: QB Vinnie Vidivici throwing TD passes of 20 and 34 to WR Johann Diskold (who would become All-SCAB this season). The pair would connect again in the 3rd, and by the time RB Evan Elpes capped a long drive with a 3-yard TD run on the 2nd to last play of the quarter, the Sled Dogs led 31-7. The Ambushers scored their only points on a short TD run to cap a long drive at the end of the 2nd. But another long drive in the 4th quarter would turn into a sequence that would just as incredibly turn this blowout into a nailbiter.
      Little Bighorn capped the drive right about the mid-point of the quarter with an 8-yard TD pass from QB Sutton Death to WR Travis Tee. Incredibly, Elpes fumbled the kickoff reception at the 4 and the ball bounced into the end zone. He fell on it to cover it for a safety. [31-16] This of course also meant the Ambushers got the ball back. After the kick, they covered the distance in 6 plays, thanks in part to a 15-yard penalty on the Sled Dogs, but more than half of it on one play, the 30-yard TD pass, again Death to Tee. Death threw to TE Nixon Kuttz for 2 points. [31-24] The last 3 minutes was an incredible drama of big turns. HPEMC got a 25-yard run by Elpes, but then a holding penalty. Vidivici ran for 13 yards, but on the next play fumbled. The Sled Dogs recovered, but lost another yard and punted. Little Bighorn's Death chopped up the Sled Dogs: a 12-yard pass to RB Rick O'Shea, 5 yards to Tee, and 34 yards to WR Raleigh Ronda-Phlagg. A 14-yard pass to O'Shea carried to the Sled Dog 15-yard line, but that was all and the clock ran out during the play. HPEMC prevailed and would go to the Eucalyptus Leaf Bowl, sending the Ambushers to the Beanfest Bowl. Both would figure in two more greatest games of the season.

DeSade S&M 29, Northwestsoutheastern 31

November 20
And that (see above) wasn't even the best game of the day. This was a #1 vs. #2 matchup, with the visiting Fighting Pacifists having compiled a season 2nd to only the Puke team of 1991 for offense, and their conference foe right in their undefeated footsteps. The teams opened with a bang, 4 TDs in the first quarter, #1 Nwse scoring twice, including on a tackle for a loss and fumble recovered in the end zone, then a drive to an offensive TD, a 5-yard pass from QB Virgil Reality to WR Homer Sekshule. Then the Leathermen scored on a long drive capped by 6-yard pass from QB Ben Sinister to TE Bodley Harm, got a 2-point conversion on an improvised play from a botched snap, Sinister running it in, then recovered a fumble at the Nwse 5 for a short-field score of their own, another pass to Harm. [15-14].
      The Fighting Pacifists took conrol in the 2nd, with long drives at the beginning and end and putting the clamps on the DeSade offense to post a 28-15 halftime lead. But the Leathermen turned that around in the 2nd half, shutting down Nwse and scoring on a lightning drive in the 3rd and a long drive in the 4th. On the former, Sinister threw consecutive passes of 35 yards to WR Jacques Therapy, 24 and 28 to WR Randy McJagger, and on the next play RB Victor Miser scored from one yard. The latter took up 15 plays and nearly half the 4th quarter, ending with a 3-yard TD run by RB Kirk Screw. [29-28] The last 3 1/2 minutes were a grueling see-saw of gains and losses by the Pacifist offense, with 3 straight passes at the end, including a 22-yarder to RB Nick Romancer and a 17-yarder to TE Lou Slips that got them to the DeSade 8-yard line. With 4 seconds left, they set up for the field goal there, a 25-yarder made by K Archie Nemmy, and pulled out the win.

Dust Bowl: Brimstone 20, Little Bighorn 17

December 4
Brimstone was the surprise winner of the Little 10, rising to their first conference title a year after PU had done the same. The Ambushers were the surprise of the Valley 10 leading it until the loss to HPEMC the final week (see above). Little Bighorn had to win a minor bowl to get into the Dust Bowl, but actually were ranked higher in the final season poll, #5 to #6. The tournament newcomers put on a show. The Hellfires dominated for 3 1/2 quarters, scoring twice in the 1st, on a pair of TD passes from QB Merle Fiber to TE Kanin Abel, and holding the Ambushers to just a FG in the 3rd quarter. With about 7 minutes left in the game, it suddenly turned on an interception that put Little Bighorn on the Brimstone 22, then a penalty that moved them to the 11. Two plays later, QB Sutton Death threw a TD pass to SE Travis Tee, but on a 2-point attempt, TE Nixon Kuttz caught a pass short of the goal line. [14-9] The Ambushers recovered an onsides kick. Death connected with F Raleigh Ronda-Phlagg for 25 yards, then 3 plays later with RB Barry Thatchet for 18 yards and the TD, then again with Ronda-Phlagg for 2 more points. [14-17] The Hellfires stretched the drama and the next 3 1/2 minutes into a 13-play drive, with the help of timeouts, to a 7-yard TD pass to SE Connell Nollidge. They missed their extra point attempt, which left the Ambushers a chance to tie the game for overtime, but held on for the win.

Eastern Semi:: Northwestsoutheastern 16, Our Lady 21

December 4
The Fighting Pacifists rolled into the semis with a 53-point regular season average and having crushed defending champion Puke 35-10 in the Punch Bowl. Their history up to this point also sets up the significance of this game. The first non-Little 10 school to win a SCAB championship in 1983, they were heir apparent in 1986 with the team led by QB Warren Peace. Whooperville A&M usurped them in the 86 championship, 22-21. Two years later in the 1988 semis, they lost to QB Andy Christ-led Bleeding Heart, 35-28, in a game considered one of the greatest to this day. The Fighting Pacifists were expected to win titles to go with their perennial status, but even Puke, as well as another Little 10 team Whooperville, piled up championships before them. Their championship in 1994 would start a cycle of 11 years that would be considered a curse, their 3rd not coming until 2005, because of course of those famous upsets, including this one.
      And considering how great this team was, this may be the biggest upset of all, even more significant than the 88 semi. On their first drive, Nwse was moving, and RB Nick Romancer rumbled 16 yards to the Our Lady 24, then fumbled. The Johns then went on a 14-play, 6 1/2 minute drive to a TD, a 3-yard pass from QB Ken Doll to WR Kenny Lingus. [0-7] The Fighting Pacifists would get a field goal to answer, then in the 2nd quarter a TD on a 5-yard RB Jason Rainbows run to take the lead. [10-7] But again, the Johns would use long drives to take control, the first answering that last score, finished with a 3-yard pass to SE Les Dance, then another to start the 3rd quarter finished by a 10-yard TD pass to Lingis. Our Lady would hold off Nwse till about 6 minutes to go in the game, when they would start a drive after a 26-yard punt return by Rainbows, get a 23-yard gain on a pass from QB Virgil Reality to F Sam Diffrens, and then finish with a 2 yard pass to SE Homer Sekshule. The Johns dropped Rainbows for a 2-yard loss on the 2-point attempt which left Nwse even out of field goal range, and also recovered the onsides kick. The Pacifists would drive to the Our Lady 35 but fail to score.

Galactic Soup Bowl (championship):: Our Lady 24, HPEMC 30

December 18
Two teams that snuck up through the season to make their first championship appearances produced a historic game that was also one of the most thrilling. The longest game in SCAB history, nearly the time of another half in addition, was voted the 3rd best championship game in 2019. Defending champion Puke and the team that replaced them as powerhouse, Northwestsoutheastern, as well as their #2 ranked conference foe DeSade S&M, were jumped over by Our Lady of the Evening, and the Heroes of Polar Exploration Memorial College beat two Little 10 teams, including champion Brimstone 50-14, to become the first Clan team since Mountain Valley in 1989 to get to the title game. Sled Dogs QB Vinnie Vidivici passed for 404 yards, Johns QB Doll for 403. All three Our Lady starting receivers, TE Studs Galore and WRs Kenny Lingis and Les Dance, had 100+ yards receiving. Both HPEMC RBs had 100 or more yards rushing, WR Johann Diskold had 202 yards receiving, and WR Fred Baer had 109.
      For as exciting as it was and somewhat a shootout, there was of course a lot of time -- more than in any SCAB game ever -- without scoring. There was no scoring in the 1st quarter, and it was 7-7 at half, and of course in nearly 2 extra quarters of overtime, there was only one score. So in the 2nd half came most of the scoring excitement. There was a goal-line stand in the 1st, when, after an interception, Our Lady drove to the Sled Dog 1, but QB Ken Doll failed to score on 2 sneak attempts on 3rd and 4th downs. HPEMC started the 2nd quarter with a scoring drive, 80 yards in 8 plays, with a 12-yard TD pass from Vinividici to Baer. [0-7] The Sled Dogs missed a 31-yard FG attempt, and then Our Lady drove 69 yards in 10 plays, to a 2-yard run by RB Tim Tasian. [7-7]
      In the 3rd quarter after a fumble by HPEMC RB Evan Elpes the Johns scored on the next play, a 29-yard pass from Doll to Dance. [14-7] But this sparked the scoring, as the Sled Dogs ripped off 80 yards in 4 plays, including a 28-yard run by Elpes, a 35-yard pass to Diskold, and the 6-yard TD pass to TE Colin Northside. [14-14] HPEMC added a 32-yard Dwight Mann FG late in the 3rd. [14-17] They extended the lead in the middle of the 4th quarter with a 3-yard pass to Elpes. [14-24] The big play on the drive was a 35-yard pass to Diskold to the Our Lady 8-yard line. But the Johns answered with a 34-yard pass to RB Rex Holmes that led to a 31-yard Ron Dayvou FG. [17-24] After forcing a punt, Our Lady drove 94 yards in 8 plays, burning the last 3 minutes. Doll hit Galore for 32 to the HPEMC 15, and on the next play covered the distance to Les Dance. It was the last play of the game, the clock expired with a 1-point difference. The Johns made the extra point [24-24], and the game went to overtime.
      The SCAB stands by the sudden death format to this day, but this game showed how even that could not guarantee brevity. Neither team wanted to give up the winning score and it turned into a tense defensive match, even though both teams had extended drives in number of plays. The teams traded punts for a 15-minute period, then about 9 minutes of another, the furthest penetration to the opposite 38-yard line, though in that case the Sled Dogs then lost yards on a sack of Vidivici to still end up punting. Finally, Our Lady's Galore fumbled after a catch to set HPEMC up on their own 33. Vidivici found Baer for 27 yards to the Our Lady 40. He lost a yard on a scramble, then a holding penalty moved the Sled Dogs back to their own 49. But then Vidivici hit Baer for a 33-yard gain to the John 18. On the next play, Vidivici threw to the end zone for a leaping grab by Diskold. [24-30] Game over, and the Sled Dogs were SCAB champs.



More to come . . .